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03 Apr 2007

WHY
Doc,
I have been married for almost 14 year, been with one another for 18 years, have two beautiful children.

We have had many problems in the past, sough help, advise was given but I feel a marriage must come for both ends so the advise given was meaningless. However as a last resort to save our marriage I invited a "god sent" messenger to give us Bible studies as a family in our home, once a week and by the Grace of God, we have come to savation and YES life did change dramatically, until a few months ago. My husband got a new job, way better salary with benefits, wow what a blessing. Bought himself a new car etc ~ we live a comfortable life ~ downfall is he works shifts, not so bad but atleast we can spend time together.

My husband is often irriatated with us (me and the kids). My husband has betrayed my trust, broken my heart on more than 10 occasions but the fool or dedicated wife I am I still remain at his side. He says hurtful things to me and the worst is he holds my "abbusive childhood" against me as he feels it holds him back on having a materialistic things "motor bike and a gun". As I explained I was the victim and situations were out of my control, I was a minor. I therefore feel haunted by having things like that in my life. He calls it selfishness?????

I am not a materialistic person, never been and never will be, I ask simple thinks, LOVE, TRUST, HONESTLY, KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING. We have a choice in life to marry for money or for love, well I married for love.

My husband feels I am selfish, the car he bought was because he now says I liked it (i dont even drive it) I was anyways surprised he bought that car.

If something bugs me or does not make sense to me I tell him and as usual he gets peeeeeed off and turns the situation around that I appreciate nothing he does.... well last night I told he I feel taken for granted, my son wont even make me a cup of coffee, I reminded him of what I have done for him and still do and for the children. I asked him what he does for me.....after a long thinking session he said he sometimes make food and do dishes....dont misunderstand me I appreciate that (small things mean alot) what about the rest????? being a husband, a supportive, loving, caring, honest, trustworthy husband??? he could not comment.

My children LOVE their father alot, family means alot to them and to me, but the hurt I feel is simply, whats the point of living if I am always on the loosing end in all that I do.

Am I being selfish, unrealistic....I cannot carry on living an unhappy life.

Answer 392 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I find i hard to understand what sort of Bible your husband was studying, if this is how he behaves. Why not see a properly trained counsellor for some sessions of family therapy ?
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