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10 Mar 2004

I am terrified of men. Been verbally,mentally,financially and physically abused by them. I want to trust them again because I love being in a relationship but my mind seems to focus on the bad aspects of happened to me previously and if I see those signs(imagined or not)- I run for the hills. HELP NEEDED!
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01 Jan 0001

Dear Frankie,
I haven't a clue. But then, I'm a man. The problem, though it may feel differently to you, due to your bad experiences, is not that the entire species of men are all abusive, but that everyone, man or woman is capable of being abusive under some specific circumstances, and some are abusive under many circumstances, and far too readily. That's why our self-protective reflexes can be troublesome here. Once burned by fire, it's useful to develop an instinctive revulsion for getting close to fire --- because ALL fire burns, ALWAYS. But with people as a source of occasional pain, it's different --- one needs to become cautious, without giving up, because only some abuse, some of the time.
It'd really help you to see a psychologist for counselling, to work through this. To examine how it was that you managed to pick abusers more than once ( you could refine your selection process, so as to exclude them much earlier ) ; and how to be cautiously trustful with others, so as to be able to move towards moe comfortable and happy relationships in the future.
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