Ask an expert
Question

25 Sep 2009

Why is he like this
Cs!My bf does not have any patience for me!
I believe that he loves me and we getting married in 2010, I also love him.
The thing is he has no patience at all, he rushes me, does not do anything romantic for me etc.
I accepted it in the beginning because I thought to myself well this is just him.
He is rough and we keep arguing about this! I have blue marks all over my body esp.my arms, legs.
He would grab me, pull me, push me etc but he does not really mean to hurt me he is just rough.
I’ ve spoken to him about this many times but it dsnt help.
I have to cover up or ppl esp.my parents would think I’ m being abused or something.
Then when I show them to him he says its not him.
He denies grabbing my arm but I have the marks to prove it.I have his fingers marks around my arms and thighs.

I sometimes feel like I’ m making the wrong decision but I know that he does not mean it and I flippen love him but
I cant stand the fact that he will not put any effort into having a little patience for me!
He says I’ m slow, I drag things, I give too much detail and I’ m unnecessary.
The only time he will actually listen to me is if he wants sex.
When he has patience or goes out of his way for me then I know what he wants or how he wants things to end.
So what I did was refused him on a couple of occasions and when I do this he gets mad, he gets angry, we argue, he tells me I don’ t give a sh*t and then he leaves and won’ t speak to me until 2days later.
This from being sweet and understanding to being a horrible mean person.
The only way to get him to do something for me or with me is to use sex or something of a sexual nature otherwise he is not interested.
What about when we get married? Then it would be like his right and then what am I to do.
I don’ t want to have to use anything to persuade him to, I want him to do it out of love.
Myabe it his age (26) , maybe he will grow out of it and realize he is being selfish?
He is extrmely stubborn and will not admit when he is wrong either.
Answer 377 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Is he impatient with everyone, including himself ? Or only with you ? Impatience is one thing --- but it doesn't leave marks. That IS abuse. YOu say you love him --- even with the abuse ? Or have you unwisely convinced yourself that in some magical way this will stop ? It won't. It's quite likely to get worse. Abuse is not a way of showing love. And if you think it is somehow a husband's "right" to abuse and hurt his wife, then you should not get married to anyone until you have gained, probably with the help of a counsellor, enough self-esteem and self-confidence to protect yourself and to know that NOBODY, EVER, has the right to abuse you or hurt you.
He is using you, and only content when he gets exactly what he wants. That has nothing to do with love.
And at the advanced age of 26, he will absolutely NOT "grow out of " this.
Discuss this with POWA or some similar agency helping abused women, and plan a safe way out of this relationship. Do NOT marry an abuser. Escape
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9422 votes
No
68% - 19857 votes
Vote