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08 Aug 2007

Why it hurts so much
I've been married for 8 years now with my highschool sweatheart, we've known each other for 14 years. During the time when we were dating I met a guy and we became friends. My husband, at that time boyfriend met him only once. I introduced them and he didn't even greet him, told me afterwards that he feels this guy is going to make trouble for us. I told him we were only friends and I realy like him. We were studying in the same town and we saw each other once a week and enjoyed each other's company. After a year I started working and found his number and decided to call him. I found out he was in another province and tried to get hold of me. We chated every day, he knows what happend in my life. I got engaged, and then got married. At one stage the engagement was called of and I was planning to go visit this guy and start a relationship with him but got back together with hubby. This guy really made a huge impression on me but I was to scared to leave the familiar and regretting it daily. He'll give advice if I needed or I'll help him if he has difficutly with his relationships. We would speak to each other for hours at times and miss the conversation if it's not there. He also got married a few years back and has children. I love my husband and he love his wife but there is just something missing when I'm with hubby. Me and this guy only went out a few times whils't we were single and not once slept together. Over the years we will try to not contact each other but every time we do so the bond is just stronger. He moved to my province three years back. I saw him on the road and that was after 6 years. He pulled over and we chatted and it felt and still feels his got my heart in his hands. We spoke about our situation cause the feelings is mutual. I would not want him to leave his wife and kids for me and he'll won't want me to do that also. It's been 14 years now and the feelings for each other is just stronger. We respect our marriages, but what should we do about this. The first time I saw him I instantly just got a liking in him and could'nt get him out of my mind and I was still very young. Like I said I felt I need to stay in my relationship and just do the next thing wich is getting married. There were times in my marriage where my husband gave me reason to leave him, but this guy would be there for me giving advice and help me to consentrate on my marriage. Not once did he try to take advantage of me. I'm thinking daily of our few dates together and telephone calls and really miss him. I realised he was/is the love of my life my soulmate which only comes once in a life time.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You know that what you are doing endangers your marriage, and need to recognize that much of what you like about this other guy is fantasy --- at a distance, he can be as perfect as you can imagine, and has little change to disappoint or bother you. Why run any risk at all of hurting your husband and his wife ? Rather see a marriage counsellor and work on enriching the marriage you have. And you illustrate perfectly why I believe that the myth of the "soul-mate" causes so much harm
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