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23 Jan 2004

Win back a child’s affection
My Girlfriend and I have been dating for some time now. She has a daughter of five from the previous marriage. The child took some time to get use to me but never anything else but shyness and we overcome that and became friends playing, reading stories ect. Then it all changed. She only speaks to me when her mother tells her to greet me. If I talk to her she turns her head away and basically is always nasty. She will hit, kick and scratch me when I try and play with her. When the mother and I sit and talk or just sit and hold hand ect, she will come and hug the mother but in such a way the we loose our contact(seem she doesn’t want us to have contact). She also constantly hugs her mother and then looks at me and says “my mommy”. I would really like to get our relationship back as I really love them and what to make this work. Please tell me how to go about this and if at all possible what could be causing this?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear nico,
As Cleo says, it sounds very clearly as if this child is jealous of your ( or anyone elses ) relationship with her mother, having got used to having mom as her exclusive pal, she resents anyone else as potentially taking mom away or at least reducing the love she will get from mom ( even adults find it hard to realize that love doesn't come in such small packets that if you give some to A, there'll be much less left for B.
Give it time, yes, and continue being your pleasant self, and discus this with her mom, who may be able to talk usefully to her about what is happening.
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