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21 Sep 2009

Won&#39 t allow physical contact between mom and dad
My husband and I went through a very traumatic stage in our marriage in 2007, with him having an extra-marital affair, being verbally abusive to both me and our 2 children, heavy drinking and staying out late at night. We are trying our best to restore our marriage but still fight quite often. My son (10) gets very depressed and unhappy when things are going well between my husband and I and we try to show affection to one another. He cries when we sit next to each other and hold hands or get to ' kissey'  with each other. We can' t cuddle up in bed (only cuddle) when he sees us touching (e.g. leg over leg) in bed he gets very upset, but all he says is that he doesn' t like it. I have tried to explain to him that it is all part of the repair process and that before 2007, it never bothered him at all. He also refuses to allow me to wear any even semi-revealing pyjamas. I have tried talking to him and acknowledging his feelings, but to no avail. I don' t understand why this upsets him so as he is constantly asking me to keep trying to save our marriage and not divorce his father.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Why not see a mariage counsellor, together ? And then, when you are resolving your marriage problems, work with the therapist / counsellor to involve your son, to explore why he is apparently more obviously upset by affection between you two than by the aggression he previously witnessed. ? Indeed, it is family therapy ( and FAMSA can help you find the right therapist ) more than ordinary marriage counselling, that you need.
Good comments all round, with Bob's Gf raising some especially important points.
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