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23 Jan 2004

Work & Wedding Blues
Hi all,

I got engaged over december to a lovely woman and we are tying the knot at the end of the year. My problem is, i'm under a lot of stress at the office and in between that we must organise the wedding, buy a new house, engagement ring and all the things that goes with that. I'm struggling to cope, my familie thinks i've got personal isues with them, which is not true. I just can't keep everyone happy i'm trying my best but with no luck.

I've talked to my fiance about it and she says i musn't let my work affect me so much, but i've tried to switch off when i leave the office, but i don't really know how. There is also financial pressure, because i'm the main breadwinner and my fiance has a bit of debt to pay off, so all the financial strain is on me at the moment and i'm scared of over extending myself.

I've started to develope a ulcer and my smoking has increased alot. What ways are there to manage stress???

Please any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear bennie,
it's no more your job to make and keep everyone else happy, than it's their job to make and keep you happy. And maybe your fiancee needs to continue to make major efforts on her own to deal with her debts, rather than leaving it to you ; and over-extending yourself, financially, benefits neither of you. And as you've found, over-smoking or drinking, doesn't help at all.
Maybe the timetable you've set yourselves is unrealisic, and it'd be worth taking more time before the wedding, so as to be much less stressed --- afterall, the main aim is supposed to be to enjoy yourselves. Mayb she can get an extra job to pay off her own debts, AND to contribute to the costs of the house, etc. And do you actually need to start married life in a house, rather than a flat, to give time to save up enough for the house you need, without excessive debts and stress > You are doing far, far too much. And collapsng halfway up the aisle with a ruptured ulcer or a heart attack, is no good for her, either.
And if you check out the archive of this Forum, you'll find we've discussed a range of ways to handle stress, before. And seeing a counsellor, to learn HOW to slow down usefully, and how to handle stress better, could be an excellen investment.
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