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18 Jul 2008

seems like im not quite alone?
been searching around health24, and as many of you know thinz are not available anymore - as easily. i woke up just now (yes, it' s noon, actually early - yesterday i woke up after 3pm) i felt desperate to search the net to see if thinz are already put ' ' behind the counter' '  as the last time i bought it was still available.

after reading and reading now and realizing the desperate measures people go through to get hold of it, i had i quick vision of my almost 2years using it. ive replaced a bulimic past with the fantastic control thinz brought, in my life. but so many memories feel so fake. i know my husband doesnt really understand this )(& *^???? i dont know what to call it - but he does comment on my mood, my unhappiness, and i dont expect him to, how can he. he only knows the facts and how can i expect him to understand something thats been all ive know for almost 15 years. i balling my eyes out as ive never ever spoken so openly about this at least i can stay anon - though this can be a voice for so many desperate, secretly out of control people out there... ive never told anyone this is all i think about everyday most of the day.no one knows every morning i wake up i lift up my top to see if my stomach is bigger and drop my pants to see if my thighs are thicker. or if my collar bone sticks out more....no one knows how elated i feel when my chin looks less flabby than the day before - and in my mind this is 100%possible...no one knows that ive had insomnia for about 2 years but the work must go on and what do people really ask when they want to know ' how are you' , what if i told them? my dearest friends do know ive always had a struggle and as you know they can never understand cause ' ' you are so beautiful and blahblah' '  sometimes i do believe that, i know i can look beautiful and in the eyes of the world are anything but overweight. i just cannot get myself (for as long as i know) to ever eat or anticipate a dinner or going out (like tonight, i organized it can you believe - but im the ever perfect social butterfly, only now without her control) without thinking about food just for what it is and enjoy it for what it is. ANYTHING, even fruit i will remember the next day.

people reading this considering anything im talking about, especially teen girls - young adults, - when im with my friends im always the one listening to them and giving my always available objective advise - please dont. please. its not worthit feeling like this. i do wish you could see a picture of my life. i wish i can explain to you what it feels like to wake up an hour or 2 before your husband gets home from work...not wanting to do anything, always feeling guilty for not being that bright eyed young woman with her beautiful warmth and passion for others. not being that woman friends admire so much..if only they knew.

i dont know what to say anymore, perhaps i just couldnt hold it inside anymore.

ive got to pick myself up know, got to meet a friend for lunch and for the past 3 days ive been NERVOUS about what im going to eat or what to choose off the menu, or even how i can out of it.

i just really want to climb back into bed now. i never thought it possible that i would end up sitting here like this at 29, with so, so much in my life, but also this THING, - i dont understand - because i always felt so much in control - but i know...when you high up and you fall, it' s just so much harder down there, here....

ps  ive been on this site a few times and noticed how indifferent and hurtful people can be. please dont comment on my post if you want to say something that might criticize me, i really have reached a low now and it would help me only for the worse. i would like to see my recovery, as i like to think about it, as a time of support and compassion, and not find reason to have a relapse of some sort.(emotionally)

and doc, im sorry about this, youve been faced with this so often - i actually just wanted to say something out loud.
Answer 391 views
Expert
DietDoc
DietDoc

01 Jan 0001

Dear Anon
My heart bleeds for you because of all the pain and suffering you have lived with and the fact that you are not in control of your own life and are probably seriously addicted to Thinz - this one of the worst side-effects of slimming pills that contain epinephrine or pseudo-epinephrine - addiction and dependence. So what you are experiencing right now is drug-withdrawal symptoms. PLEASE get some expert help right now from a clinical psychologist or an Eating Disorder Clinic, to help you work out what underlying psychological problems are driving you to self-destruct and to learn most positive ways of dealing with these problems, and to help you get through the withdrawal phase. If you are in Gauteng then it may help to contact Tara Hospital as they have an Eating Disorder clinic (phone (011) 783-2010. In Cape Town and environs you can contact the Kenilworth Clinic (021) 797-1400 and in KwaZulu Natal there is Riverview Manor (033) 701-1911, or contact them on: www.riverviewmanor.co.za .You should also consult a clinical dietitian to assist you to get back to eating normally again. Visit the Association for Dietetics in SA Website at: www.adsa.org.za and click on "Find a Dietitian" to find a dietitian in your area.
Go for expert help ASAP, because you cannot sustain this pain on your own any more.
Holding thumbs for you
DietDoc
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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