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23 Sep 2009

Fathers visitation rights
Hi There, I' ve posted previous as dricky post161. Please advise on the post below that I posted on the divorce support group.

Hi all,
I have been in a verbally, emotionally and financially abusive relationship with my boys father. eldest is 2yrs baby is 6months. I found myself a cheaper place and will be moving beginning oct. He has treated me so badly that
i don'  t want to see him ever again. We are still in the same flat and at the moment he kinds of want to force me to sleep with him. I'  ve asked him to leave on numerous occasions but he refuses he just says he will go when I move out.
Anyway I don'  t want any contact with him in future but he want to be in the kids lives, I don'  t want him to have our new address as he will come there with his litre Old brown sherry, drink until his drunk and refuse to leave when his supposed to. How do I facilitate visitation in this case or maybe I should be those b...tch
mommies who refuse access to the kids. He left us three weekends in a row without food to go drinking, so in a way I don'  t think he deserves to be in their lives.


Answer 245 views
Divorce support expert
Divorce support expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Andy,

I understand your conflict and wanting to do the right thing is often not aligned with what we feel.

The question here is not whether what he deserves or not, but what your children deserve and initially all children deserve to have both parents in their lives.
However, especially that your husband is abusive on many levels, gives you the right to set out certain terms, for your well being as well as your children's and with people like their father this can only be enforced correctly through legal action. It doesn't need to be ugly or expensive, but you can refuse that visitation is at your private address and given the young age of the children and his drinking problem visits could be organised as supervised until he can prove that he is addressing his problem and is willing to act as a responsible father. Mediation is a good way to start. Until then, have you got perhaps family or friends you could stay with to break the pattern of abuse and allow yourself to claim back your freedom and happiness.

You are right to not want to put with this any longer!
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