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02 Feb 2009

Time it takes to get over it?
Hi,

Just a question for the Cyber Expert please?

Ive been seperated for 2 months now, court date hopefully Feb or March. No kids, no traumatic divorce. We both decided to part ways after 9 years as we were incompatible. (no affairs either)

Im still hurting,feeling emotional and grieving for what it could have been.

Is it unrealistic to think that I could be over this and moving on as normal within 2-3 months? Or do I have to stick this out for quite a while longer? Im reading divorce books, chatting to people and really making an effort, but my pain is still there.

Can one assume that my ex is feeing pretty much the same, loss, grief, even if she wanted out as well?

Pls advise me. Thank you
Answer 335 views
Expert
Divorce support expert
Divorce support expert

01 Jan 0001

Dear Peter,

thank you for your post.
A divorce/separation is always traumatic for both parties concerned. Even if, like you, the parting was agreed mutually, there is nonetheless a loss which needs to be mourned.
Don't be hard on yourself. Even if you were incompatible, 9 years is quite a long time spent together which had it's share of good moments. This is what is feeding the "what could have been".
It's important to be appreciative of those good memories. There is no need to dismiss them but don't hang to them in a way that doesn't allow you to move forward.
This is not a break up point in your life but a change of direction.
Take time to feel your feelings but recognise that you are the creator of your life.

Do speak your feelings, accept what is and make decisions about your future.

I have posted a separate post on Successful Strategies for coping with Divorce.

Warmest regards

Nadia
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