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08 Jan 2013

Teenage daughter is lying a whole lot for strange reasons
I have ''adopted'' two teenage girls (they are my wife''s younger cousins and they come from a difficult background. We took them in in March 2012 and have taken them as our own. The older girl is 19, and is amazing. She doesnt seem to have any problems (unless she hides them well), but I get the impression that she is just really happy with life now.
The younger one is 16, and her and I are always at war. Ironically, we are the closest, and She is always attached to me. I love them both so so much.
I bought them both blackberry''s and have had nightmares ever since.
We just spent a few days on holiday and the Sammy (the 16 year old) got into a mood, and as result never spoke to us for 3 days. Yesterday I went to her and closed the door and we spoke for over an hour. (she hadnt eaten for 3 days and had her head buried in her phone.)

The conversation turned into the most horrible fight, and I ended up storming out of the house and not returning till this morning. Its not something I do, but I got so upset and didnt really know what else to do.
I realised that something was going on in her bbm world, so I asked to see her phone. She knows that I have no interest in reading her messages and stuff, so she gave me the phone confidently, I think assuming I would give it right back, but I didnt.

I left her and went to read, and I was incredibly disturbed. To be honest I thought that I would find talk of sex, drugs, etc, but I found a strange made up life.
She has been lying to friends about me, my wife, and her sister - painting us in such a bad light - as if we don''t treat her very well.
There was a message that her friend was coming to visit today, but I didnt allow it saying " If you cant talk to us, you cant talk to anyone"  - I didnt even know she had made arrangements to meet up with a friend.

Today, things are calm, and she is incredibly remorseful. We had a long talk, in which I found out that the friend that was coming to visit doesnt exist!
She made the friend up as her closest friend with whom she shares everything. She said she did it because everyone else seems to have a really close friend and she doesnt.

On New years morning at 2am, she was having a convo with a classmate about how drunk she was and that she is probably going to pass out outside any minute. But at 2am on New years morning, she was in bed in the room next to mine, as we had just arrived home from friends. I allow her to drink a little with me on occasion. (not a conversation for here if you disagree with me), but she was hardly drunk as I had only allowed her 2 ciders at around 8pm on new years eve. We all toasted the new year with a cup of tea :)

She tells me today she makes up stuff about drinking and smoking weed so that " my friends dont think I am a nerd" 

I should add here, that I am young - not the age of a father of a 16 year old daughter. I do my best with the girls and for the most part things are great. The older one battled with school this past year and is repeating the year, but thats also for many other reasons.

Sammy is/was also dating a boy she hasnt met. She was given his bbm pin and now they are ''in a relationship'' - he tells her he loves her and she seems to believe it and comes across as if she is blown over by him (from what I read)
I talk openly with them about sex, drugs, alcohol, etc and encourage them to speak to me about anything. I feel now as though I am somehow failing..

I really need help here....
I also have something to offer though - avoid blackberry - its a dark scary dangerous thing in the hands of teens. I have taken Sam''s away and she has accepted it.
If your kids, especially girls are using blackberrys, find a way to know whats going on without snooping or crossing boundaries.
If you have boys, chances are, they are trying very hard to get their peers to send nude pics of themselves - its just as destructive.

Thanks for reading..

Rob