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05 Apr 2006

Can it work?
oK this is very personal but I hope you can answer my question.
<blush> I am 24 and u could say btm <blush> and I met a guy a while ago who is btm/vers, he's 28, we get along like ahouse on fire and everything is fine in every department and we're getting more serious, its been just over 4 months but Im worried about something, his previous partner was vers and I'm worried that one day he'll miss being btm and I somehow can't live up to that expectation and that he'll go look for it from someone else. Am I being plain crazy or neurotic or stupid? Have other guys had similar situations? Advice please?
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi No Name, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here.

We've often said that we're all located somewhere on a continuum between being totally straight and totally gay. Similarly, we're also all situated somewhere between the extremes of being totally top and totally bottom with most people being versatile to some degree. Wherever each of us is located is fine and adds to our unique sexual identities and the ways in which we express ourselves sexually.

Our sexuality is also fluid and dynamic. Our interests and desires change over time and we respond differently to different partners and in different situations. Your partner may have been versatile in his previous relationship in response to his partner being versatile but now he's chosen to be with you. To date he seems to be happy to be top with you and there's no indication that he's missing anything else. With time you may also find that you become a bit more versatile and that would be OK too.

On another level sex isn't about being top or bottom - it has more to do with expressing ourselves, pleasuring someone else and deriving pleasure ourselves and being physically and emotionally intimate with someone. Sex isn't necessarily about 'roles' and there's a world of sex that isn't related to penetration. Keep the communication between you guys open and sincere and talk about and explore these issues, relax and have plenty of good sex.

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