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Question

15 Mar 2007

gay sexual problems
Hi I have several sexual problems.
I'm only 25, and I find it hard to get it up sometimes. I am ok when I've got porn, but I struggle when I'm with someone. The last time I had anal sex(give) I got hard and we could do it for a while, but I took so long to cum, that I couldn't keep it hard any longer, I lost the erection, and couldn't get it in again, and also couldn't get hard again. I now have a fear of trying anal again. I jerk off about once a day and always cum, it rarely takes me long when I'm alone. But as soon as I'm with someone I find it extremely hard to ejaculate, I ussually have to do it myself which makes the other person feel bad. I now have someone I love and we haven't done anal yet, I really don't want to dissapoint him, so I need help urgently! What can I do to get hard more easily? What can I do to stay harder for longer? And most importantly, what can I do, to cum easier and more quickly when with someone. I notice that most guys can come again after an ejaculation, and again, and agin, I also can't do that.
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Pleaase Help, welcome to the forum. Your anxieties related to your erections and performance are shared by countless gay men and I appreciate your post. It sounds as if you're experiencing a level of performance anxiety - many guys feel so stressed about the need to 'perform' that they feel more comfortable and confident being the bottom (generatively receptive) partner in sexual interactions. <br><br>Other responses to your post have emphasised the need to relax and I go along with that. Chill. Sex isn't about performing; it has more to do with enjoying yourself and expressing yourself without inhibition. Who says you have to keep at it for twenty eight minutes? Who says you have to stay hard for forty three minutes? There are NO rules when it comes to sex! Maybe you've been watching way too much porn where guys keep at it for ever - those scenes are sometimes filmed over days with many interruptions. Some guys are multi-orgasmic but most aren't.

A few tips that may help you : 1) if you're a smoker, cut down or cut it out 2) limit your alcohol intake 3) if you use poppers try using less 4) since you lose your erection when you lose sight of it try touching yourself (pull out of his mouth or anus to touch yourself) so that you can feel reassured of your erection 4) try wearing a cocking or strap - the adjustable leather version is good to start with before moving on to metal - to support your erection (the ring reduces the amount of blood flowing out of your erect penis) 5) use a position where you can watch your own penis entering him (the best could be standing, kneeling or squatting behind him while he's either on his knees or standing, facing away from you, or on his back with his legs over your shoulders) 6) during sex, play with mirrors – position them so that you can watch yourself watching topping him – watching yourself topping someone can be very erotic 7) if you lose your erection don't see it as a big deal - simply withdraw from him and engage in more foreplay before you carry on again 8) if you lose your erection take a break and play with a few sex toys – he may enjoy you using a dildo or butt plug on him 9) get off on pleasing your partner but don’t feel responsible for pleasing him – sex is a two-way conversation 10) practice edging – preventing both yourself and your partner from coming for as long as possible (literally, keeping both of you as close to the ‘edge’ of coming for as long as possible). I hope this helps. Give a few of these tips a try and please feel free to post again.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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