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19 Apr 2006

Getting over a love
Hi,

I need some advice. I lost the person that I thought was the love of my life, because I was too scared to commit.
Now I'm constantly filled with regrets and just want to cry all the time because I love her so much.
We are still best friends, and she's just great!! I was the stupid one that didn't get my act together soon enough.

How do I stop loving her so much?? Its tearing me apart inside, whilst I still have to maintain an outside that no one can see the hurt..
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Broken Heart and thanks for posting here.

The reason you cite for ending the relationship - fear of getting hurt or of hurting her (according to your second post) - is paradoxical in that it caused considerable hurt. You literally sabotaged the relationship and you're continuing to sabotage yourself (and possibly her) by trying to redefine your current relationship with her. You cannot move from an emotionally intense relationship directly into a friendship without causing yourself (and possibly her) ongoing hurt. Maybe you need to do two things: firstly, stop seeing her - break all contact. This will be painful but it will allow you mourn the loss of the relationship you had. Secondly, in order to prevent this happening again in your future relationships, you need to go into counselling to address the root problem - your fear of commitment.

You're either in a relationship with her or you're not. You decide. But your current 'friendship' is not functional for either of you and is holding you both back in a very uncomfortable space.
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