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28 Nov 2005

In Love with a guy for few years, but not sure of his sexulaity.
Hi

I have been in love with a good friend of mine for some 3 years but have never had the courage to tell him, since I fear he may not be gay but straight, he has a girlfriend. I do know that he cares about me. This agony is making my life so miserable, what should I do ?
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Madlyinlove and thanks for posting here.

Love is not a rational space to be in (as per your name, we speak of being 'madly in love') and you may want to do a cold reality check of what's actually going on here. Three years is an incredibly long time to be 'stuck' in your situation and this possibly has little to do with whether your friend is straight or gay. Even if he is gay, who's to say he'd reciprocate your love or want to have a relationship with you anyway?

This relationship is not functional for you. The object of your desire is simply not available to you - you could have been in love with someone living overseas, for example, or Tom Cruise for that matter. It is keeping you suspended in a complex situation and preventing you from forming more functional, real and reciprocal relationships with other people.

It may be time for you to admit that this is a dead-end street, and that you need to end this 'agony' soon. Try to define the relationship as a close friendship with mutual caring for each other and make a point of spending quality time away from him and meeting other people. This may require that you limit the frequency of your contact. Try to fill other areas of your life and if you need to, consult a counsellor.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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