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15 Jul 2008

Love and STDs
HI there

I have fallen in love with a very special man. I never thought it would happen at age 40, but it has. We've been seeing each other for about three months now and we do have safer sex. However, there is something I am dreading to tell him: I contracted Syphilis in my late twenties, and everytime I go for an STD screening, it shows up positive, then they do another test and tell me it is an old infection and nothing to worry about. Two weeks ago he brought up the topic of STD's and suggested we get tested together for everything, including HIV. I said yes, but my heart sank when I realised he was going to know that I had an STD in the past. How do I tell him such an embarrassing thing about my past. I was promiscuous in my twenties, and it is not something I am proud of. Now I look back at all the risks I used to take and cannot believe the danger I put myself in. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I really do want to tell him before we go for the tests, I just don't know when, or how. I don't want him to find out from a stranger (doctor) about this.
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi John, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

It sounds as if you're blowing this out of all proportion - there's no sin in having had an STI! You had syphilis and it was treated. Simple. Your history isn't a threat to your relationship - your embarrassment and reluctance to tell him are causing the problem.

So sit him down and tell him the truth - that many years ago you contracted syphilis and got treatment, but that it still shows up in your blood tests. And then let the doctor explain to him why this happens, what it means and that he is not at any risk of infection.
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