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24 Jul 2005

Messed up
Im 15 i loved this boy in my school. i dnt even knw why i love him and his str8 i told him that i like him in some hope bt he just wanted everything to go back to normal. i love him so much he doesnt reply to any of my sms's or anything and all i wanted is to be his friend and one day hopefully he wld get drunk at a party or his best friend (a fagaphobe) died, i wld then take advatage of him. and i hate hate hate myself i wnt and tryied to die. can homosexulatiy be linked to childhood because i hd a uncle who used to always speak to me about cutting off boys penises he never sexualy touched or did anything to me bt he got me exicited abt cuttin boys -|- s off this was when i was like 3-4 years i think so cld dat be the reason?
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi David

You need to acknowledge that the guy you have a crush on simply isn't interested in a relationship with you. He may be finding this very uncomfortable. Your fantasy of taking advantage of him when he's drunk doesn't sound as if you love him at all. Your fantasy of mutilating boys is cause for concern and you sound very angry, confused and depressed. You need to make contact with a gay-friendly counsellor as soon as possible. If you live South of Bloemfontein, call the Gay & Lesbian Helpline on (021) 4 222 500 any day between 1 pm and 9 pm; if you live North of Bleomfontein, call the Gay Counselling & Information Line on (012) 344 6500, Monday to Thursday. Ask them to refer you to a counsellor in your area.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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