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14 Aug 2007

Monogamy VS 3-Somes
To everyone reading this and can give advice, PLEASE do so as I’m so confused!

I’m a 34 year old normal guy that happened to discover my sexuality in the Air force some time ago… I'm not in to the general gay scene (may it be clubs and all that goes with it.) and like stuff usually liked by Straight guys only.

Since then I’ve been in 2 long-term relationships… One of 5 years and now involved for almost 10 years.

My partner is 7 years older, but takes the back seat in the relationship. May it be financial decisions or direction in the relationship. I’m much more focused in life and feels that I’m more mature than him.

In the past 5 years I’ve confronted him on 3 different occasions on matters that involved other guys. On one of them he admitted to have been unfaithfull and went all the way with the guy.(first incident) We have talked about all the gory details and cleared the air. He promised that it would never happen again.

The second incident came along and we went through the same trauma… (Sounding like a real drama queen now)

The latest incident involved his cellphone and persons he chatted to on some meeting blog. I decided that I had enough and told him that I’m moving out! Well – threatened rather, as our lives are financially and socially so intertwined, that it would not have been that simple…

He broke down in a bad way and told me that if I’m leaving– life is not worth living for… mmm are you thinking what I thought! L :o)

Anyway – I’m now at the point where I, and we have talked about this – want to introduce the odd 3 some to our relationship… In the hope of satisfying him in the urge to hunt or what ever you want to call it.

In a way I feel it’s better knowing what is going on, than having to guess. … Strangely the idea is quite a turn-on as well… so I might just see what I've been missing all along...


The question is… will this cause more damage to the relations ship – or can it work? Do you know of anyone that applied this successfully to their relationship?

I still love him, and being so long with him – most of our differences are long sorted…

This is actually really out of despiration as I know he will not change, though hoping that it might save what we have going...

Breaking up and finding someone else?!

I don’t have the energy to meet someone new and go through all the hassle of finding Mr. Right.. cause we all know that he is not existing…

Answer 514 views
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi to you BND and thanks for your interesting post which elicited interesting comments.

My sense of this is that some folks have been a bit harsh on you - it sounds as if your partner is somewhat manipulative (what's with the threatening suicide nonsense?) and it is very likely that he benefits from your assuming responsibility for the day-to-day maintenance of the relationship.

We've had several posts related to open relationships - use the search option to look through the forum archives.
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