Ask an expert

31 Mar 2006

Just like one of the replies it seems as if this is what i felt 18 years ago.

in 1986 i was 23...I'm old now....i'm lost and i am so so hurt by reading your msg. it feels as if GOD made me come here today cuz i have a heart ache to share with you.

it happend like this: myself and my friends use to go out to alot of clubs and bars and my donovan (the boyfriend) didnt trust me. One night I found out that he was at the same club i was after he told me that he'll be going to his folks for the weekend, turns out that he didnt trust me and so just like you i had to end my relationship. i was heartbroken for a very long time cuz like you he was the person i found myself with...(am i understanding you right?)...he made me so happy.
As i am typing you this i just wana hug you cuz i am crying and know what you going through.
the thing is this relationship ended on the 19th of september, on my birthday in 1986, today...18years i am honest when i say that i feel that i let him down. On the 25th of September I gave my heart to Jesus and I became a Gay-Christian, i supose you'll understand how difficult it was for me to be able to be open, but i was. I thought I was happy, I thought that my life started and I thought that I didnt need D anymore....boy was I wrong.
I saw Donovan for the last time a month later at his 25th birthday. The folowing day he commited suicide, leaving me a letter "Jules, no one will ever love you like I did"....only that. Not a "I am sorry".

Today I miss him...especially now that God brought me here to read your story. I want you to just think about what I have to tell you today my son. I am gay and I wish I was born a little later in life cuz i caused alot of heart ache. I got blamed by friends, family and even his minister... I shouldve given him a chance to explain why he did what he did.

Pls 'sad' go make peace with your partner, you might not need him, but i trust that he needs you more then you know. You seem distraught and i truly understand cuz i felt the same way.
I just dont want to read in the Sunday Times bout a Love-Suicide. He did you wrong and he should appologise, but i promise you, there's something you did that made him feel that way. not intentionally maybe.

I really hope and pray that you'll find him again cuz I can feel that you guys are both very sore....damn...I wish I was a qualified councellor.
I wish you all the best, and I really hope that you'll come back here one day and tell me that you guys are back together.

Lots of Love
Answer 360 views
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Miguel, welcome to our forum and thank you for posting here. I have read your post several times during the course of the day and it has elicited various complex emotional responses in me that have ranged from empathy to anger. Not anger at you but at your partner and the family, friends and particularly the minister who blamed you for your partner's actions. I also experienced concern for you - have you received professional counselling related to this?? - and, with due respect, a sense of discomfort at what you were advising Very Very Sad to do. I think your advice to him was obviously well intended but it was also somewhat manipulative. Possibly because your own issues have not been fully resolved.

Love doesn't necessarily make any relationship work. Most straight couples going through a divorce love each other - even if they can't access those feelings at the time. Many people remain in dysfunctional, even abusive relationships because of love. No doubt you'll disagree with me but I'm sorry, feeling sore is not a reason to get back together again. Sometimes we need to make rational, as opposed to emotional, decisions. Should women whose husbands abuse them be encouraged to remain in their marriages because of 'love'?

My strongest response, however, has been concern for you. Your post is very much about you and not about Very Very Sad. Even though you're a gay Christian you could benefit from professional counselling. Think about it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.