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05 Apr 2006

Re post # 257
Good day to all.

With reference to my earlier post # 257. All was going well. By that I mean that things were pretty much normal office environment for me and my boss. To bring other users up to speed. My (straight) boss and I slept together a few weeks ago, and it was a bit akward since we were both intoxicated. He is engaged to be married and has a son.

I've been really confused ever since, needless to say. Expert and others gave me advice (for which I'm thankful & tried to follow). I tried my best to keep the relationship on a professional level. I was so sure that history wouldn't repeat itself. I was wrong.

We ended up in bed together again. It happened on Monday night. I had to work late because of a deadline. He stayed behind once everyone else had left. I was quite nervous, because we weren't "alone" again ever since the first incident. I got up to get coffee. The next moment he was standing next to me. I ignored him and went outside to smoke. Unfortunately, I've started smoking again since the incident.

He followed me outside. He smokes as well and asked for a light. He asked me how I knew that I was gay, and when I first realised it. Asked me about me coming out to my family and how they accepted it. To get to the point, we stood outside talking for close to an hour. I felt so sorry for him. It looked like he was struggling with something inside, as if there was something he wanted to tell me.

He told me that he knew he was making a mistake, but he felt obliged to marry the mother of his child. Also, his parents would disown him if they found out. He actually started crying! I did what I thought was the right thing to do at the time. I just hugged him and told him everything was going to be okay. We stood there for what seemed like forever, just holding each other.

We went back inside after a while, and I told him to come over to my place, because I felt sorry for him and didn't want to let him go out in the state he was in. I had no intentions of seducing him or doing anything else but be there for him as a friend. We ended up in bed again, although, this time was more passionate. We spent the whole night together.

Tuesday morning went back to work, and him ignoring me as if nothing happened. When I asked him if he was okay, he told me to mind my own business. He told me to get on with my work, since I missed my deadline. I thought I was being a good guy. Tried to comfort someone who looked as though he was suffering.

Now it's me who's feeling like an idiot, and a slut!!
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Donkey, good to hear from you again.

Following the previous sexual interaction between you guys your boss has trampled over even more boundaries, including his inappropriately confiding very personal information and setting you up to console him. You express this yourself when you say you wanted to be there for him as a "friend". You're not his friend. But by the same token you're not simply an employee either. He obviously doesn't know how to define your relationship either and after over-exposing himself to you (both literally and figuratively) he's trying to assert his role of 'boss'. Probably because he feels totally vulnerable.

You were being a good guy. The person responsible for managing the boundaries in this scenario was him, not you. He messed up. He chose to divulge deeply personal information to you, he chose to go home with you, he chose to have sex with you and he chose to stay the night. You're no idiot and you most certainly aren't a slut. Wipe that thought away.

I think you need to see where this goes but some time soon you guys will need to talk. Away from the office but in a public space. And you need to somehow clarify your relationship, in the light of what has transpired. At the moment it feels like a bowl of spaghetti. If you're going to attempt to restructure the boss/employee relationship you'll need to somehow agree to what that means for each of you and what you'll do with what happened. Shake hands on it and then make very sure that the parameters of the relationship are respected. I don't see you guys being 'friends' after what has happened and it would seriously complicate your life if you became lovers.

Acknowledge that he may need to speak to someone about what is going on in his life but that this person can't be you.

As I suggested previously, if you feel that your job is being compromised in any way, or if he takes advantage of you in any way, you may want to speak to a labour lawyer.

Please post again and tell us how this unfolds....
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