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07 Apr 2006

Starting again on the scene
I've been single again for 3 months after the breakup of a 6-year relationship. I think I'm through the worst of it and my friends are telling me I must start going out more, I've been brooding on my own and visiting friends but now they want me to go out them to a club etc. I am so nervous I keep putting it off, I don't know how to do this anymore, I don't even know what to wear let alone how to act or what to say or do and I'm nervous that everyone else will be ahhpy and smiling and I'll be feeling alone even though I'll be with people. I suppose I'm just feeling very out of the whole scene. My friends are getting a bit irritated with me I think, they can't see what's stopping me. Should I just force myself and go?
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Nervous, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting.

Your friends are probably concerned for you but you need to get out there at your own pace. You may want to reframe the way you're thinking about going to a club - a club is merely a social space and there's no right or wrong about anything. Don't think of 'forcing' yourself to do anything and try to reframe your anxiety about yourself to reflect your curiosity about others - what are they wearing, what are they talking about, how do people behave? And then go along simply to observe. If you go with your friends think about going in your own car so that you don't feel 'trapped' and can leave whenever you want to. There's nothing to lose and you may just enjoy yourself.

When you've been please report back and tell us what you saw.
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