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21 Jul 2005

Twice heartbroken!
Are there true guys out there? I'm bisexual. I just moved to college in Austin, Texas. It happened to me twice! My first week, I met this guy and we went out on a walk through the city. I thought he was cute. Later that night, he came over to my place and he said he liked me and stuff. Then he kissed me and slowly but surely, I gave in to sex because I thought a relationship was going to arise. The next morning, he left and he was suppose to pick me up to go to church. He didn't come for me...then he lost his phone...then he stopped talking. I was sad...then we talked on the phone and he said that he did want a relationship but that he didn't have time...and then i haven't heard from him. I met another guy. He said that I was a real nice guy and that he wanted to start a relationship. He talked about respect and that sex should wait till we were ready. Then this weekend, he visited me at 3 a.m. He was gonna sleep over. I let him cuddle in bed with me because I trusted him...he said he wasn't gonna have sex till we were ready....He promised me he "would never hurt me or upset me."...so..then he started to "play" with me...and i told him i wasn't ready, and he told me not to be afraid, that i should feel comfortable..i mean it was just him...so i gave in....and then we woke up and he left to his house for work...Later that night, he calls me and said that he didn't want a relationship and that he was sorry that we did that that night and that everything was going to be alright. I was shattered....i felt embarassed, guilty and dirty for have given up....he hasn't called me or emailed me and doesn't even pick up my calls...
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Panda

Greetings from Cape Town, all the way to Texas!

What you describe is not a gay dynamic - its a human dynamic. People take advantage of each other on all levels. Unfortunately, younger people are often taken advantage of sexually. You also raise the issues of values. Some gay people are Ok with having 1-night stands, some are OK with penetrative sex, some don't kiss on a first date, many don't do group sex, many don't do drugs. Many gay men have sex with others outside of a relationship, while I gather that you prefer sex with someone you're in a relationship with. If that's your value, you need to be clear on when a relationship actually commences. Are you in a relationship after the third date, after one month, or after you've committed to each other? Importantly, never do anything with anyone that you're not comfortable with.

Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince, but stick to your values.
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