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12 Apr 2006

Hi all, hope you are doing well. Just an update on what has happened since my last post and resignation. My (ex-)boss has become quite persistent in getting me to go back to work. I've been trying to avoid his phone calls, but then he showed up at my front door last night. He was crying and telling me how much I mean to him.

This is really a tough situation for me, as I've made up my mind about not going back to work for him. But what would happen if we were to start something now? When I asked him about his fiancee, he told me that he's going to call it off. I don't know whether I can trust him...or if he just sees me as an easy ticket to frivolous sex....

Sigh......This thing is hampering my efforts to secure another job, because I can't get him off my mind.
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi again Donkey and thanks for the update.

There are several very distinct issues here and you should certainly try to untangle them. The first set of issues relates to your previous job and the circumstances surrounding your resignation, and this seems to be resolved in that you're resolute about not going back.

An unrelated set of issues concerns your ex boss, as an individual - his conduct at work, the fact that he's experiencing a crisis in terms of his sexuality and the fact that he's engaged and wanting to call off his marriage. You have no control over these issues and, importantly, these are not your concerns. Don't make his problems your problems. Don't become the reason for his ending his engagement - he needs to assume full responsibility for this, either because he's unhappy in the relationship or because of his being gay or for whatever reason - it shouldn't really matter to you. You cannot rescue him and he may need to use counselling to help him work out what's right for him. His threat of suicide under the circumstances you describe is, to put it mildly, grossly manipulative and indicates a level of emotional immaturity that is disturbing.

And finally there's the issue of a potential intimate relationship with this individual. Is this the person you want to form a long-term relationship with? You sound very insightful and astute - I have no doubt that you'll come to the right conclusion if you think of what's best for YOU and stop trying to rescue him.
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