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19 Apr 2006

Update
Hi All,

I posted awhile ago, about being bisexual, engaged with a 3 year old but in love with another woman.

Well, I've been seeing a psychologist, which is really helping, but i'm still totally screwed. My shrink said that ultimately, i need to decide which side of the sexual orientation i fall on, defining myself as bi is going to cause a lifetime of conflict and duality.

All fine and good, problem is, my head doesn't want to split up my fiance and his daughter. My heart lies with this woman. I feel in myself, that I am gay. If my fiance and i split, i won't want another man.

I honestly don't know what to do. I have all these people waiting on me to make a decision and it's crushing me. I'm completely torn!!

I'm causing both of them immense pain and frustration.

Do i live my life with a man for the sake of my family? Or do i live my life the way that i want to, which is accepting my sexuality?

Any advice please, I'm feeling abit buggered here!
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi again GreenEyes and thanks for posting.

You're in a difficult situation but the way you describe it, whatever you do someone is bound to get hurt. However experiencing hurt is a normal aspect of life and you cannot base your own long-term happiness and your sense of who you are as a person on trying to shelter your fiancé from the truth and from the hurt that results from this. By the same token you're denying him the opportunity to overcome his hurt, and in a sense your avoidance of dealing with reality is keeping him in limbo and holding him back. Does this sound fair? Surely he's entitled to a relationship that is 100% honest and based on real love, as opposed to someone merely trying to shelter him from reality? I think the writing's on the wall and you're reading it clearly but you're being avoidant. By being honest you would not be terminating the father-daughter relationship. Far from it. And your child will be able to grow up appreciating the concepts of honesty, integrity and love. Stop hiding behind the veil of not knowing whether you're gay, bi or straight - in your case it sounds like a very limp excuse so snap out of it.
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