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28 Jul 2006

Why don't I have a boyfriend?
Hi. I'm 24yrs old. I think I'm good looking. I'm intellegent, have a good sense of humour and generally a good person. My problem is that I've only ever had one boyfriend and that was 3yrs ago! He was the only guy I was ever sexually active with. I just don't understand what it is about me that doesn't attract guys. I almost never get hit-on either. I don't do one-night-stands or the casual thing, so I literally haven't had sex (of any kind) in 3yrs. So, at this point in my life I'm pretty lonely and VERY sexually frustrated. Up until a short while ago I had convinced myself that it didn't bother me, but I now realise that it's becomming quite an issue. I'm not totally out of the closet and basically all of my closest friends are straight, so maybe that might be a problem? That I don't really meet new people. I just don't want this to become an obsession, but at the same time I also don't want to get so desperate that I'll do things that I'll regret later? What should I do?
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Expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi WX, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

The problem could well be that you're not meeting the right people. No matter how attractive or appealing a product is it won't sell unless it is placed where the consumer is likely to find it. You're trying to market yourself as a gay man but you're branded as straight (you're not out) and while you're sitting on a small shelf in Straightville your unlikely to experience getting into the rights man's basket.

You're not having sex and you're also lonely - it really does sound as if you need to get out there and make a concerted effort to meet more people, especially gay guys. Going to gay spaces doesn't mean that you have to alter your values or morals, and you don't have to start having one-night stands. Don't wait for someone to hit on you - if you want to meet someone, or if you find someone interesting or attractive, make an effort to get to know them. It could well be that you're avoiding sex or intimacy so if you object to one-night stands you may want to decide at what point it is OK to have sex - after the first date, after the tenth? Not everyone is only out for sex, most single people are hoping for a relationship but you need to decide for yourself at what point your OK with sex - what factors determine your level of comfort? Be prepared to kiss a few frogs before you meet Mr Right. And start following a basic principle of marketing - with the right branding in the right place and at the right price (not selling yourself short but also not waiting for Adonis himself) you're more likely to experience success.
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