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12 Jul 2011

Is it me or is he abusing me?
Hello,<br><br>I am 28 weeks pregnant and don''t feel like having sex or being intimate at all. I know it is normal in pregnancy and told baby daddy but he doesnt listen. I''ve tried everything, printed some articles for him, taken him to my doc so that he can explain what is happening but still he doesnt get it.

When he starts touching me and I say no, he moves his hand to another part of my body and it goes on and on until I get really angry and cry, he just forces it, kisses me forcefuly.

I don't let him go any further though. He even wakes me up at 3 am in the morning when I have been having difficulties sleeping and have to get up and get ready for work at 6.

When I do talk about this people say its me, its the pregnancy hormones. But is this how my baby daddy should be treating me? He says he finds me more sexy now, but is that an excuse for this kind of treatment? I think he would have been happier if I wasn't pregnant.

Please, please help as I am so depressed and dread going home coz I know same thing will happen and this is not good for my baby.
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Expert
Sexologist
Sexologist

01 Jan 0001

I have read some of the responses you have already received and can see that some people have had painful experiences that might mean their responses are a little extreme...
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<br/>As you can see from 'Cher', there is variation in women's interest in being sexual during pregnancy - some women love being sexual and others loose all interest. So loss of interest is quite normal for some! This can be due to hormonal changes, and also due to extreme tiredness or nausea.
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<br/>That said, what you describe sounds abusive, as does your reaction sound like you are feeling abused. That certainly is not what one would expect from a loving relationship!! You are in a complex situation - because you are feeling so angry at his lack of understanding (and I don't blame you for this), it makes it more difficult for you to possibly have much compassion for his position...That is, he still has sexual desire (apparently more intense given that he finds you sexier now that you are pregnant) and therefore may feel that his needs aren't important either.

Whilst you might not have sexual hunger or desire, do you think that you would still like to be close to him and possibly to be sexual with him from time to time in order to feel close to him?

Don't get me wrong here, another person is never 'entitled' to access the body of another, neither is it ideal for a partner to feel pressured to 'give their body' to be 'used' by a partner for fear of some other consequence.

However, a loving relationship does mean that BOTH partners consider and try to look after the needs of the other where possible.

Perhaps try to get some support from your health carers - clinic, doctors, whoever is attending to your health whilst you are pregnant.

Claire - SASHA
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