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16 Aug 2010

is she cheating? Help
my entries 466 469 and 487 lead me to ask the question.
After 19 years do i call it quits?
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Expert
Sexologist
Sexologist

01 Jan 0001

Dean, having gone back to the messages you wrote, including the other one earlier today, my overriding sense is that you are focusing heavily on the sexual aspects and doing so in quite a direct and assertive way. In my experience in working with women, this approach is likely to come across as pressuring and all about the sex and not about her. Now I'm sure missing much of the picture as you are afterall writing a question on the sexology forum - but you need to consider whether there are aspects of the relationship outside of sex that need some attention. It may also be that your partner has lost libido - this is common in long term relationships and makes arousal and interest in other sexual activity more difficult...in such circumstances she may have to 'drive' her desire and sexual arousal which may be an effort. I'm not suggesting that this makes it a 'done deal', or that you must just accept it; she also has to play her part in addressing the differences between to the two of you. I would recommend that you consider seeing a professional to identify your respective contributions and try to find a mutually agreeable way forward as it is a long relationship to just 'bin'. FAMSA offers such counselling as do other private practitioners nationwide. If you want a referral to a private practitioner, either contact your GP or call the SASHA helpline and leave a message: 0860 100 262.

Claire - SASHA
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