Ask an expert

09 Dec 2004

Phone or email sex
My vrou en ek wil graag hiermee experimenteer. Ek wil dit graag eers met 'n dame probeer. Hoe doen ek dit? En is daar vrouens wat daarvan hou. Ek wil dit ook eers graag op 'n girl probeer voor ek dit met my vrou try?
Answer 518 views

01 Jan 0001

Online sex talk is perfect for both the outgoing and the shy. It is one of the most anonymous sexual acts you can indulge in. It allows you to explore different sides of yourself. Go to places in your imagination to which you don't normally let yourself go. And nobody ever has to know who you are.

Getting Started:

Prepare a fantasy - Find out what turns you on before you start sharing it with someone else. Let your mind go wherever it feels like going. Write down some notes. Remember, these are just fantasies - there is no obligation to act them out in real life.
Get into position - Get comfortable. Arrange yourself in such a way that you can use your hands while still being able to type.
Get props - Fill the room with things to inspire your passion -- a candle, sexy lingerie, wine, a vibrator, a dildo, a mirror.
Finding the Right Partner in Crime:

Fill in a Profile:
Be honest about what you want and don't want. If you want a sexual connection and not a life partner be clear with yourself and those you're cyber-sexing with.
Be provocative.
If you get stuck, look at other profiles to see if you are in the right "space", and to get ideas on what to write.
Send a photo. You'll get a much better response, and it gives you something to start talking about. Sexy pictures can get things started.
Be whoever you want to be. Search for all sides of yourself.
Find a website that suits your personality and your fantasy. Look for ages, status, income and similar interests. Read the profiles of others to see if you are in the right place. Some website suggestions: = a more intellectual sexual experience. = a raw sexual experience. = a mixture of romantic and sexual experience.
Other places to find online sexual partners can be through general communities such as Yahoo! and AOL. Specific fantasy communities also exist.
The Vehicle: There are three primary methods of having cybersex. Use the one you are most comfortable with to start with. There is nothing as frustrating as trying to learn how to use a new system and still stay turned on.
IM - Easy to use and private, instant messaging is one-on-one chatting, which allows a certain intimacy to develop between partners.
Chatrooms - Chatrooms allow you to listen to a conversation without necessarily participating in it. The down-side is that everyone else can hear you when you may only want to talk to one person.
Visual Chats - Same as IMing or Chatrooms but with the added benefit of a camera, to allow for visual aids.
Do a Search: Look for what YOU want. Be picky. There are almost twice as many men as women. You can afford to be choosy.

Use the lingo: Know the language. "Brb=be right back", "lol=laugh out loud"
Communicate without words: Smile = :-), Wink = ;-), Stick out your tongue = :-p.
Tease: Have fun.
Use your imagination: That is the most valuable tip you can possibly receive for having the best kind of cybersex.
Be Descriptive: Go into excruciating detail. Your words are the only way to convey your passion. Actually take almost TOO MUCH time to describe a hand passing over your breast, or the way your tongue feels on the head of the penis. Imagine the sights, the sounds, the smells, the heat.
Common ground: Find a topic that turns both of you on.
Safety: Trust your gut. Do not tell someone you don't know any personal information, unless they have earned your trust. Do not engage with someone who is giving you a "strange" or bad feeling. Your intuition is usually right. These kinds of people just want attention, and giving it to them encourages them to keep bothering you. Please don't feel that you have to answer every advance.
The different types of Cybersex:

Story telling - One person tells the other a story. This is one of the easiest methods to start out with. Say, "Let me tell you what I have been thinking about", or "Why don't you tell me a story?"
Developing a story together - This can be one of the most intimate forms of cybersex. Each person takes a role, and you take turns telling each other what you do in that role. The advantage to this method is that if it goes well, it can be an experience with intense intimacy. But keep in mind that this method can also be difficult to start with, because both of you may want to go in different directions, and that leads to confusion and frustration. Try it with someone who has similar fantasies.
Instruction (aka power) - This method is one way of exploring power and powerlessness. One person tells the other what to do. For example, "Take off your shirt", or "Rub ice over your nipples".
Questioning - Each person asks a series of questions. For example, "What are you wearing?", or "Tell me what you are doing?"
The Steps:

Starting a conversation. You don't have to jump directly into sex. Some like to do that, but others like to take their time. Go at your own pace. Flirting works wonders if you want to start slow.
Determining the lead - is one of the most important aspects of cybersex. If you don't do this, you may flounder. This can develop gradually, or be blurted out right away. And it may change half way through. But being aware of who is leading/following helps to avoid the awkward silences of both trying to follow at the same time or the extra "noise" of both trying to lead at the same time.
Initiating - Turn to the subject of sex. Ask questions, tell them of your experiences and/or fantasies, ask your partner about his fantasies and about their likes and dislikes. Feel out your partner. Get as much feedback about what turns them on as possible.
Responding - "Ooohhhs" and "ahhhs" are a good idea. Let your partner know where you are. Is what he is saying turning you on? It may feel silly to say, "Oh, yes" if it is true, but he needs to know if he is on the right track. If what they are doing is not working for you, you might say, "not quite yet" and then help guide them to know what you like.
Keeping it going. Have some written-out ideas handy. If it starts to get a little slow or uncomfortable, then pull one of these out and use it.
Masturbation. This can sometimes be difficult with cybersex because you generally need your hands to type.
Some suggestions:
Strap-ons. Use wearable, hands-free vibrators or dildos that strap on.
Taking turns. Let someone else lead while you get off.
Tell your partner when you are doing it. Your description could be extremely arousing to your partner.
Say hello and goodbye. There is nothing worse than to have someone disappear on you without an explanation. If you do get interrupted, then quickly write "brb" (be right back), or "phone" or "gtg" (gotta go). But never be so rude as to leave without saying goodbye.
Respect cues. It is hard to know if what you are saying is turning the other person on or not. Cybersexers don't have the cues we usually do if we are able to see or hear the other person. Look out for an abrupt change in topic, a long time in answering, or an outright negative response. You may want to change the subject. "No", still means "no" (unless you have a safe-word worked out beforehand) - even in cyberworld.
The Most Valuable Toys for Cybersex.
Unless you can type with your toes the key to finding the right cybersex toy is "hands free". A variety of different toys can also help explore those new naughty fantasies your cyber partner is introducing.
Favorite vibrators:

Matrix Vibe: The ultimate cybersex vibrator. Plugs into the computer so you never run out of battery. Tucks easily between your legs. Buzz away as you type.
Fukuoku: A vibrating ring that slips so easily around your finger that you forget it is there. You can even type with it on.
Remote toys: The Remote Butterfly and Remote Panty slip on like underwear and are controlled by you (or your partner), no strings attached.
Explore other favorites:
Tristan: The anal plug that stays put. It can stimulate the very sensitive anal zone without worrying whether it will slip out or not.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.