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12 Dec 2002

Is this kind of "rol playing" a normal actiity. I hate it . My husband want this and trying in avery
way to pressure me in taking part. Acording to his its normal, but I think it is sex for DEMONS.
Its ugly and i'm feeling dirty just thinking of it. We're married for 16 yrs and things just get worse.
Lately I dont even hate it if he touch me in any way. I keep on seeing what he wants and I know I cant give it to him.
Answer 457 views

01 Jan 0001

This is my standard answer to anybody wanting to enter into BDSM, it is a lifestyle, but most of all a choice:

If you are going to participate in the BDSM lifestyle to the point where you engage in play with another person then if I may, I would like to make the following suggestions. Beware of users, everyone is not your friend. Some people have their own agendas which may not be in your best interests. Take your time. If you are going to join an existing community or group or singularly, find out who these people are and what their intentions may be. Make questions within the community about those with whom you intent to play. Ask a lot of questions. What precautions do they take? What safety measures do they have in place? How much experience do they actually have in a particular practise? Are they known for this experience within the general community. Has anyone actually seen them play? Do they provide a workshop explaining procedures, safety, concerns? Are they making a profit? Do you have to sign anything over to them? Is the contract they are offering legal, binding and are your interests protected?

I would recommend attending some small functions, munches, social gatherings. Perhaps attend a play party purely in an observer mode. Arrange with the organizers, let them know this is exactly what you want to do. Observe. That you have no intention of playing. That way you will be supervised, protected and afforded this right with no pressure to play. In a proper play setting Dungeon Masters would be made aware of your wishes. It is quite likely also in a properly controlled play setting that you would be expected to attend some sort of interview with the organizers, prior to attending, so they may ascertain exactly how much experience you have had, if any. Be patient.

In the meantime before you have played get some practical grounding in safe, sane and consensual BDSM practices, explore Tanta and yoga. Take a SM101 course to get practical information on safety. As in all things preparation is the key. Make the effort, protect yourself, be aware, question, don't be overwhelmed by new experiences, step back and look at them for what they are, don't be afraid to say NO, play safely, sanely and consensually and enjoy yourself knowing you have taken the proper precautions. You have started down a long road. A journey that is amazing as it often turns out to be a journey within one's self. A travel destination we should all have at some point in our lives.

Just remember always Safe, Sane and consensual. If BDSM is not for you, you need to tell your partner this, and not feel cohersed into something that is not for you.

Dr Mac
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