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Question
16 Aug 2011
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Unprotected gay sex
Hi Sexologist,
I''m gay and my boyfriend and I have recently had unprotected anal sex. We''re in a loving and trusting monogamous relationship and I think that the unprotected sex situation proved that we are both committed.
I know he is responsible and he was safe in his previous relationships. He, however, was my first sexual partner.
I don''t know how to go about asking if we can go get tested together just to confirm that we''re both safe and then take the committment further from there. I''d rather be safe than sorry... we''ll, we''ve already done the deed so to speak. But i trust him. Any ideas?
One last thing... i''ve done research on HIV/AIDS, and I''m just a bit confused by the transmission thereof. Yes, we''ve all heard the ads on TV and stuff, but I''ve still got a question. I know HIV/AIDS is spread mainly through blood and anal sex or bodily fluids, but does this include sperm? And why is anal sex more dangerous for infection?
Thank you so much. I really would appreciate any advice.
Regards
Seth
I''m gay and my boyfriend and I have recently had unprotected anal sex. We''re in a loving and trusting monogamous relationship and I think that the unprotected sex situation proved that we are both committed.
I know he is responsible and he was safe in his previous relationships. He, however, was my first sexual partner.
I don''t know how to go about asking if we can go get tested together just to confirm that we''re both safe and then take the committment further from there. I''d rather be safe than sorry... we''ll, we''ve already done the deed so to speak. But i trust him. Any ideas?
One last thing... i''ve done research on HIV/AIDS, and I''m just a bit confused by the transmission thereof. Yes, we''ve all heard the ads on TV and stuff, but I''ve still got a question. I know HIV/AIDS is spread mainly through blood and anal sex or bodily fluids, but does this include sperm? And why is anal sex more dangerous for infection?
Thank you so much. I really would appreciate any advice.
Regards
Seth
Sexologist
Dear Seth,
There is no recipe approach I can offer you with regards to how best to approach your partner to request that you both have the HIV test as a concrete basis on which to navigate your sexual relationship furtehr. I can only advise that you be honest and heartfelt in your request to him that the two of you do this. Just as you experience concern for him in making such a request, you too can have the expectation that he too will respect your need in this matter. You are making a very reasonable and responsible request as a mature sexually active adult in respect and care for your partner, yourself and your relationship.
With regards your second question. The HIV is found in blood, sperm, vaginal lubrication and breast milk. The anus has a large blood supply that is also very close to the surface of the skin. The fact that anal sex requires good knowledge of how the sphincter works, the use of lubrication and condoms and taking things gently too start are important factors in anal sex. If the penetrating partner does not use sufficient lube, does not take things slowly too start, does not use a condom, allowing the anal sphincter to relax sufficiently to accommodate the penis, the chance for tearing and injury is high in an area with a high and superficial blood supply.
This resulting in a high risk for sperm getting into contact with the blood supply of the recipient of anal sex.
Regards
Sexologist
There is no recipe approach I can offer you with regards to how best to approach your partner to request that you both have the HIV test as a concrete basis on which to navigate your sexual relationship furtehr. I can only advise that you be honest and heartfelt in your request to him that the two of you do this. Just as you experience concern for him in making such a request, you too can have the expectation that he too will respect your need in this matter. You are making a very reasonable and responsible request as a mature sexually active adult in respect and care for your partner, yourself and your relationship.
With regards your second question. The HIV is found in blood, sperm, vaginal lubrication and breast milk. The anus has a large blood supply that is also very close to the surface of the skin. The fact that anal sex requires good knowledge of how the sphincter works, the use of lubrication and condoms and taking things gently too start are important factors in anal sex. If the penetrating partner does not use sufficient lube, does not take things slowly too start, does not use a condom, allowing the anal sphincter to relax sufficiently to accommodate the penis, the chance for tearing and injury is high in an area with a high and superficial blood supply.
This resulting in a high risk for sperm getting into contact with the blood supply of the recipient of anal sex.
Regards
Sexologist
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