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07 Jul 2010

what should I do
Hi,

sorry this post is so long
My current situation is worring me therefore please can I get some help into the matter. Hubby &  I are married for 8 years now - have 1 child together. He is 40 and I am 38yrs old. Hubi is very much into porn &  very open minded, has lots of movies and spends alot of time on the net. I , on the other hand don''t really dig this , but I allow him to be his manly self. During the last 2 years I have allowed him naughty foto''s of me &  he introduced toys into the bedroom, done anal with him &  learnt dirty talk and I watch the porn occassionaly. I make an effort to be a little bit open minded. I enjoy some of this but do alot to please him as I dearly love him and want so much to give him his desires. He likes the idea of me flirting and dressing up sexi and teases me about other guys. I take it as good fun between us. In the last few months his fatansies are chanelled at taking things further. We spoke about it, not on a serious level and he claims its just bedroom talk and I should not get ahead of anything. So most of our sex life these last few months is always about me and other guys. In bed he always talks about it and now I see he teases me out of the bedroom with this . His previous marrriage as I did gather had been one which was " open"  and involved 3sums &  swinging, I think more on the experimental side. We discussed this back then and he did not elaborate too much, except say that he understood in our lives he does not expect any of that. I am really stressed about this as I can see by me not entertaining this fantasy it is upsetting him abit. He said he just wants to give me much more and wants to ensure I am completely satisfied. I find our life and our intimacy fine, I am not complaining. I am not easy about 3rd people the marriage. I have not sat him down and discussed anything with him just yet, but I am starting to sense he is serious about me sleeping with some other guy &  he would like to watch. I just can not see myself do this, mostly because of how I was raised and my strong Christian belief, my dignity and respect for myself. And there is so much bad sexual diseases out there. Really NOT happy and comfortable about this proposal - please some advice would be appreciated. I love him and I don''t want to loose him. Afraid of rejecting him. Help!!!!
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Expert
Sexologist
sexologist

01 Jan 0001

This must be very difficult for you. Unfortunately the things your husband expect may be too much if it is against your values. You have accomodated him up to now -most women will not be so considerate. It worries me that this was also a pattern in his first marriage and most likely a contributing factor to its failure as we know that the things he wants now, often lead to relational breakdowns. An intimate relationship is give and take and you are allowed to set boundaries. To say no is as much rejection as to ask too much. I would suggest that you consult a professional. Phone the SASHA helpline for the contact details of a professional – 0860 100 262.’
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