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22 Jan 2008

Difficult Stepson (14)
I've been part of my stepsons live for the past 7 years. We had a wonderful relationship, a better relationship he had with his dad.

The last 3 years changed into a nightmare, he treated me like sh*t, talked to me without respect. We fight constantly. I tried to talk to him to find out what's going on, but it doesn't help. I started snooping around his room, school bag, etc. to see if I can find something that can help me understand what's or to give me answers to why he changed. I found nothing.

I did found some serious porn photos and website links on his cellphone. I confronted him and he yelled he did not put it there. Someone else did.

Recently he made me feel uncomfortable, because he kept on staring at my privates. I found my underwear in his room, covered with cum. Again I confronted him and he simply walked away with "It's not me" Well I left it. A few days ago I found yet again website links, but this time to gay sites.
His response to this is someone send him funny sms's and there is links attached to this messages.

It won't help talking to his mom, because she believes she raised a little angel.

What is happening, what should I do. I love this child as if he is my own, but I it feel if my hands is tide behind my back.

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Expert
Teen expert
teen expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi there,

it does sound from your description that puberty has arrived and that he is having questions about his sexuality and becoming curious about this.

As you are another male and not his father this may have become a source of fascination for him. Whilst there are certain boundaries that need to be maintained, its also important that he feels he can trust you - snooping through his room and phone will only make matters worse.

However, it may be worth thinking about having a conversation with him about sexuality if this is possible. Alternatively there is quite a bit of literature out there that you can leave in his room for him. If he crosses certain lines with you about sexuality that make you feel uncomfortable it is about letting him know calmly what you feel is okay and what isnt.

Whatever his sexuality is he has to discover this for himself and will best be done if he knows that whoever he is it will be accepted.

Also bear in mind that this is a very turbulent time in his life and relationships are often strained. I would encourage you to speak with your wife about things - without her having to make judgements or confront him. You should be able to talk to one another about parenting him - consistency between the two of you is vital.

I know a childs emerging sexuality can be an uncomfortable thing, but if he feels accepted there should be less tension between you, and it will be healthier for him.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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