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01 Feb 2008

Disturbed by pics of son
My son is 16. When he wasn't home, I found his camera in his room, and looked through the pictures. I found erect penis pictures on the camera. I'm pretty sure it's him. But what if it's not? How do I find out if it's him or someone else? I couldn't find anything in his room to suggest he's gay. But he's never had a girlfriend. What should I do?
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Expert
Teen expert
teen expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi there,

firtstly looking through your sons phone is not okay - it is an invasion of his privacy. I know this probably comes from a place of care, but at 16 he is entitled to some privacy and if you cannot give it, it is likely to cause major problems between you.

Whether the picture is of him or not this is part of his privacy you need to respect. If he is gay or questioning his sexuality this will not change by you trying to find out or intervene. The comments made on this forum about people only knowing if they are gay at 18 is I am afraid utter nonsense. It differs for each person and some people are very sure of their sexuality form a young age.

Whether he is gay or not you need to think about your acceptance of him, and that is about you searching inside of yourself, not in his room or on his cellphone.

I am sure this comes from a place of love and concern, but please consider that boundaries between parents and children need to change as they get older. If they don't it causes a lot of tension that can be avoided.
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