Masturbation vs real sex

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“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone you love.” Woody Allen

Most people experience intense sexual satisfaction when masturbating – often much more so than when they are having sex with their partner.

The reasons for this are many. One of them is that there is no tension involved. Nobody worries about their appearance or their performance when they are masturbating. Orgasm is also often reached quite quickly and a partner’s needs do not have to be considered in any way. Also, most people also know their own bodies very well and are not shy to experiment.

Experimenting with a partner can sometimes be inhibiting, or there could be something from your past troubling you, if you consistently find masturbation more satisfying than sex with your partner, according to Dr Patti Britton, American sexologist.

It is quite important whether you experience this with just the one partner or whether there has been a history of feeling this way.If it is just the one, your body might be telling you to end this relationship. If you feel this way with more than one partner, something in your past related to sex could have been hurtful to you. It might be time for some introspection and healing and possibly time for some therapy. An unpleasant experience, such as being abused, can prevent you from being able to relax and enjoy sex.

And it is this relaxation that is important, says Britton. When people tighten up their bodies during sex, they literally block a flow of energy. Learning to breathe deeply can be a very relaxing experience.

It is important to be able to trust your partner enough to be able to experiment slowly and to share, on an equal basis, the things which give both of you the most sexual pleasure. One cannot simply translate past experiences with other partners onto this present relationship. Because a previous partner enjoyed oral sex or anal stimulation does not necessarily mean that is true for your new partner. It is important to talk, to ask and to experiment with your new partner.

If a face-to-face discussion is difficult, talk in the dark, or even better, follow the maxim of “Don’t tell me, show me.” But keeping quiet is never going to get the message across. - (Susan Erasmus, Health24)

Post a question to our sexologist.

(Picture: passionate woman from Shutterstock)

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