Sexologist: unusual questions

In between the regular queries about erectile dysfunction, diminished libido and whether cyber cheating is real cheating, the Sexologist has to answer some deeper and darker questions.  Here are a few:

Q:  Can a guy tell?

This is a weird question, but I would like to know... lets say a girl has slept around for years or has had a lot of sex over the years... maybe even given birth, does your vagina stretch at all or become " overly"  used?

I don't really know how to pose the question, but can a guy "feel" inside of you that it feels different - does it feel lose or stretched-out for example? Would he be able to think to himself: "this woman has been around the block a couple of times" or isn't there really a way to tell by the way it feels inside? Does it generally feel the same inside any woman, no matter what the woman's sexual history is? Does those pelvic / vagina exercises actually work to tighten up anything and does it make a difference for the guy?

Expert:a Woman's vagina can lose a degree of tightness following a number of child-births. however, depending on the sexual position chosen, this will not even be an issue. pelvic / kegel exercises can assist in this regard.   

Q:  Toys VS the real Deal

What is your take on toys vs. the real thing?  For example:  a couple in a session together using toys (vibrators etc) to spice up their intimacy. Would there still be a need for the real thing after maximum use of a toy?

Expert:  There should be no problem with that - many people worry about this, but as you may know, in a committed relationship, sex is not all about orgasm anyway, it's about connection and closeness and a toy can never replace that! Whilst the stimulation a toy can offer may be more intense, and therefore may also promise physical pleasure, it cannot replace your partner and the emotional pleasure couples get from 'real' intimacy. If it does's not the toy's fault, it's probably the relationship.

                                                                                                                                                      Q:  Large labia

I am a young girl - not married. I have noticed a peculiarity with my genitals. The inner labia, or the labia mino as it is called, protrude from under cover of the major like flaps. It gives an awful look. I would like to know if it is hereditary or a rare case? I have not seen my mother's and am afraid to ask her least it creates unnecessary worries. Please help.

Expert:  You are not abnormal at all – vaginas come in different shapes and sizes. The labia minora plays a very important role in protecting a health vaginal environment. Furthermore during sexual intercourse the blood flow to that larger area will enhance sexual pleasure. Do not let the false impression of sexual nude films where the very symmetrical and small vagina is presented as the correct and perfect vagina, lead you into believing that you and your vagina is abnormal. You have nothing to be ashamed about.

Q:  Raping lesbians

If Lesbians are raped multiple times, they become straight. Is it true?
In SA everyday around 10 lesbians are being raped by group of people every day to cure, according to CNN.

Expert:  It is an absolute fallacy. Rape or forced sexual intercourse had never been curative by nature – in fact it could have a stronger aversion effect. The raping of lesbians is purely based on the male ego’s that cannot accept the fact that lesbian women are not into men, and the underlying male-believe that engages in this act is driven by the believe that if the “lesbian is just a women that has not had a proper man” and these men take it upon themselves to “provide the lady with the opportunity.
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

More info:

What is fetishism?

Got questions?  Ask the Sexologist for advice. 

(Joanne Hart, Health24, November 2011)


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