Yesterday, the irritating things women do came under the spotlight, or under fire, depending on your point of view. Now it's the men's turn. So what are those things that some guys do that make their partner feel as if she could burst a vein in her head?
Thinking your driver's licence is not real. Somehow men just don't see your driver's licence as being quite as valid as theirs. Often, they would prefer to drive the whole way – even if it's 1 500 km – rather than asking you to drive for an hour or two. Point is, percentage-wise, women are involved in far fewer accidents than men are – ask any insurance company.
Assuming the house cleans itself. This is a big one. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but no, wet underwear does not remove itself from the bathroom floor, food does not miraculously appear on the table, or in the fridge, clean and ironed clothes do not get into the cupboard by themselves and the dishes don't clean by themselves overnight. Someone does all these things. Who do you think it could be? Could it be the other person in the house who also has a nine-to-five job? Wouldn't it be nice to wash the dishes every now and then without expecting a Nobel Peace Prize for doing it?
Being jealous. It drives women away when men treat them like awaiting-trial prisoners, whose every move is under scrutiny. When men do this, it's about their own insecurities and their fear of rejection. When a man treats a woman like this, isolating her and accusing her of all sorts of things, he is showing his fear, not his love, and exhibiting what he thinks is his right to treat her like a possession. Most women find relationships like these claustrophobic in the extreme.
Putting their mother on a pedestal. Right, every woman has her bad and good qualities, but he thinks his mother is directly related to the archangel Gabriel. Your cooking, housekeeping skills, social skills, whatever, always fall short in comparison. And any criticism you express of this wondrous creature makes him look as if he's just been kicked in the teeth by his best friend.
It's win, win, win, all the way. Life, according to men, is one long competition, in which there are winners and losers. Women tend to be more co-operative and conciliatory by nature. Being fiercely competitive obviously has a place, but not when you're playing Ludo with your ten-year-old nieces and nephews.
Assuming their spending is necessary and women's wasteful. The subscription to the golf club is essential – more essential than toothpaste. Many men – there are fortunately exceptions – have no idea what basic household necessities cost. These days it's very easy to spend a thousand rand on unromantic household necessities like coffee, toilet cleaner, dog food and cereal. The cost of food has spiralled in South Africa in the last year, and it's not your partner's fault. She is not wasting money on luxuries.
Rather committing hara-kiri than asking directions. So what's the deal here? Is a man expected to know all roads leading everywhere, even if he's not been there before? And what would happen if he stopped and asked someone instead of driving in circles for 45 minutes? Instantaneous combustion? A public whipping? Instant castration? Surely not, but the prospect, for some reason, is as daunting. Almost as daunting as going to see the doctor about their foot that's starting to look gangrenous.
Wanting to fix things, instead of listening to you. You've had a bad day – the twins had diarrhoea, the domestic worker didn't arrive, but what did arrive was a hefty bill from the Receiver of Revenue. All you want is a sympathetic ear and a pat on the back and a tissue or two, and what do you get? Suggestions about medication, an offering to fire the domestic worker and the telephone number of his tax consultant. OK, that's kind, but it's not what you wanted. You wanted a shoulder to cry on.
A thing of beauty forever. Men, who have gone completely bald and who have a beer belly that would have won them the Ventersdorp Mr Boep competition if they had entered, assume that all women still find them attractive and flirt with them accordingly. What's more, they notice an extra three kilos on their wives – and comment on it. Whatever happened to what was good for the goose, being good for the gander and all that?
They get paid more for doing the same thing. Technically this shouldn't be the case – after all we have one of the most advanced constitutions in the world, don't we? But, statitistics still tell the sorry tale of women being stuck in low-paid, heavygoing jobs with low starting salaries and lower low glass ceilings. And, if one asks around, it still happens frequently that men are paid higher starting salaries than women are.
But then, to balance all this out, there are the bear hugs when you really need them, the sorting out of the dent in your car, the e-mail just to tell you he loves you and the graciousness with which he deals with your difficult mother. - (Susan Erasmus, Health24)
Ask CyberShrink a question.