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11 Jan

Have a friend visit at a marital home
Hi Cybershrink, I am separated for 18 months now and I still live in a house I shared with soon to be my ex-husband. I started dating 2 months ago and I would like my boyfriend to come visit me if the kids are not around. Will that be a wrong thing to do? We have started the process of divorce and I am eager to introduce my kids to my boyfriend but I do not know how to go about doing it. Please advice on what to consider before introducing my kids to my boyfriend. Thank you!
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Expert
CyberShrink
CyberShrink

13 Jan

Hi Nona
I understand the psychological elements in your question, but much will also depend on the legal issues.  For instance, the house and what you do in it. You seem at first to be asking about your rights there : is the house in your name, your husband's name, or in both of your names, jointly ? What agreement have you made, between you, about the use of the house now, and in the future if you divorce formally ? Custody issues : what have you agreed between you as regards custody of the children ? Even when there seems to be a friendly informal agreement, it can be useful to have this formally decided by a court, so it can be harder for further conflict to arise there.  But those are legal issues, and it would be wise to get good legal advice for yourself and the children.
The second aspect of your question is about introducing your children to your boyfriend.  Apparently you have known this new man for only a couple of months, so perhaps this might not ultimately turn out to be a long-term relationship, even if it might feel that way to you right now. Take your time and don't rush into this : before, during and after a separation and divorce, people are really vulnerable emotionally, and not always in the best situation to make long-term decisions that will serve their own best interests. 
Presumably you have some other, ordinary friends in your life, male and female : how have you introduced them to your children ? Could you respond similarly this time ? So they can know him as someone like other friends with whom you spend some time, and who you like, but not yet as someone very special for your ( and their ) future ?  Try not to plunge into this very new relationship without caution and patience
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