3 women describe what it’s actually like to have a miscarriage

Miscarriage affects all women differently.
Miscarriage affects all women differently.

Miscarriage can be caused by so many things and has happened to many expectant mothers. Three women with very different experiences show that pregnancy loss can be accompanied by a range of emotions – all valid, all normal…

“Becoming a mom wasn’t a priority”

For six years, I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t want kids; his ambivalence rubbed off on me. I spent so much time thinking about the negatives – a baby would wreck my body, I’d never sleep again – that even after we broke up, becoming a mom wasn’t a priority.

Read more: Can you really get pregnant while on your period?

A few years later, I met, then married, my husband. He really wanted kids, so we tried. When the test showed I was pregnant, I didn’t feel negative or positive; it just happened so fast. Then, five days later, at work, I started to bleed – bright-red blood that wouldn’t stop. I broke down sobbing.

I felt like I’d lost a child. I didn’t know how much I wanted children. How much I wanted that baby. Now we have a two-year-old son, but I still wear an angel necklace to commemorate the baby I lost.

– Dana Norris, 36

“It just wasn’t meant to be”

As a psychotherapist who counsels people through trauma, including miscarriage, I knew how common it was. When I miscarried at nine weeks, I was sad, of course, but, in my mind, it wasn’t even a foetus yet – it was a developing foetus. I bled for a few days and had a bit of cramping, but I didn’t need to take off work.

Read more: 7 reasons your period might be late – other than pregnancy

Two weeks later, while I was driving, I felt this crushing wave of emotion out of nowhere. I pulled over and called my husband and we talked about it. Cried together. I felt better immediately; I just needed to process it. After that, I was able to move on pretty quickly. I knew I’d be able to get pregnant again – we’d conceived easily a few years earlier with my son; it just wasn’t meant to be that time.

– Michelle Maidenberg, 45

“I had to spend the weekend pregnant, but not”

Three years ago, my husband and I were elated when we got pregnant the first month of trying. We saw the heartbeat, told friends and family and even bought a house to raise our family in. Then, at a routine 17-week check-up, the ultrasound technician went silent. My baby wasn’t moving. There was no heartbeat. It was Friday and they scheduled a D&C for Monday. I had to spend the weekend pregnant, but not.

Read more: 5 things you need to know about sex after pregnancy

The D&C itself was awful. My doctor told me that most women are able to go home the same day, but there were complications – I lost a lot of blood during the procedure and I needed a transfusion and a stay in the hospital.

A day or two later, after I went home, my milk came in. My breasts tripled in size overnight and I got stretch marks. That’s when it really hit me, emotionally. My body thought I’d had a baby, but I hadn’t… Now, it’s really strange to have a post-pregnancy body, even though I haven’t had a child. We haven’t decided whether or not we’ll try again.

– Brittany Meiling, 28

Image credit: iStock

This article was originally published on www.womenshealthsa.co.za

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