Subtle seduction: How to show your crush you've fallen for them without telling them directly

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Illustration by Getty Images
Illustration by Getty Images
  • "Shoot your shot" is a phrase used as an encouragement to be brave enough to go for the person secretly giving you heart palpitations.
  • Dating coach Mia Fields isn't really pro shooting your shot directly, like sending a DM. 
  • Mia says this can easily lead you to unnecessary heartbreak and pain.

We have heard this phrase, "shoot your shot", as an encouragement to be brave enough to go for the person secretly giving you heart palpitations. Like that viral TikTok trend where you take a video of a stranger you "fell in love with" in public, asking people to help find them. 

This makes it sound easy, but not knowing what the reaction and response could be is enough to give you the jitters.

The roles based on societal standards don't always 'allow' women to make the first move. But some do, and it works out. We ask UK-based dating coach Mia Fields if there is a 'smarter' way to do it.

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She isn't pro-shooting your shot directly, like sending a message in the DMs, "Hey, I like you."

Mia tells us there are several ways she can relay to a guy she's interested in him without boldly 'shooting her shot'. "For example, a slow, gentle smile once eye contact is established, I encourage women to let men know very subtly they're interested but allow the man to make the actual approach, and I'll explain why," she says.

Mia says this is where a distinction between men and women comes into play. "Men like to chase, and when you shoot your shot, there's no work for him to do. He knows you're game. You deny him that opportunity, and he might even be disappointed if he liked you."

Would you make the first move? Tell us about it here.

She adds, "If you 'shoot your shot', many men will not readily be upfront and honest to turn you down because they are married, have a girlfriend, are recently separated or somehow unavailable (e.g. mentally, financially). And by doing this to a man, you've just boosted his ego by indicating that you, without reservation, are interested in them. You, in turn, get their attention or affection, which also serves as a form of validation."

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Mia says this can easily lead you on the path to unnecessary heartbreak and pain. Of course, some people made the first move, which turned out perfectly for them. "So be mindful of how a man can approach his approach.

"An emotionally healthy man genuinely interested in you will not want to let the opportunity slip by. So ladies, remember, if you want to find your right partner, use those subtle seduction techniques so he feels comfortable approaching you," she adds.

Mia Fields is a professional dating coach, also known as The Emergent Woman on social media. She helps women get the right partner by developing the best dating strategy and avoiding unnecessary heartbreak.

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