Publications
- James*, 61, shared how he and his wife Vanessa*, 50, are on a marriage sabbatical.
- They are working with an NLP practitioner to help them create experiences of intimacy and emotional connection.
- Marriage therapist Lehlohonolo Mazindo says different things work for different people.
For some couples, a marriage sabbatical may sound like a breakup and a bad idea. For others, it is an opportunity to reconnect and save the marriage by taking a break from each other to work through what could be hurting the marriage.
James*, 61, shared how he and his wife Vanessa*, 50, are on a marriage sabbatical even though they are madly in love and still want to spend the rest of their lives together. When he shared their love journey with us, they were three weeks into their sabbatical, and it was going well, he said.
READ MORE | A reset, not a breakup: How to take a marriage sabbatical the right way
"My wife of seven years and I are on day 17 of a planned two-month sabbatical. We noticed that subconscious patterns from previous marriages and personal boundaries impacted by trauma have been triggering each of us."
"These patterns made us shut down towards each other," he shared.
James admits that the first two weeks of the sabbatical were challenging.
"We both have a strong sense that our sabbatical will contribute in a massive way to our deep love for each other."
James and Vanessa were honest about their struggles in the marriage and committed to making it work.
They are working with an NLP practitioner to help them create experiences of intimacy and emotional connection.
READ MORE | Is writing your in-laws off ever a good idea? A therapist's tough advice for keeping the peace
Marriage therapist Lehlohonolo Mazindo says different things work differently for different people and for various reasons and motives. "When considering arrangements such as the marriage sabbatical, it is very important to strike a balance between 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and 'out of sight, out of mind'."
READ MORE | Happy wife, happy life? A harmonious relationship is the responsibility of both partners
Lehlohonolo says, "It can be very difficult to grow closer by staying apart; because, in reality, you cannot glue things together by keeping them apart."
He adds that a marriage sabbatical if done within a healthy, loving and secure marriage, can lead to individual growth, which can improve closeness, loyalty and supportiveness in the marriage.
Not their real names*
