Worried that your partner's sex drive doesn't match yours? Expert weighs in on compatible libido

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Illustration. Photo by Getty Images
Illustration. Photo by Getty Images
  • Sex is an important part of a relationship.
  • Relationships have been ruined because of either too few or too many rounds.
  • There is a difference between a person with a high sex drive and a sex addict, an expert shares.

Relationships have been left for ruin because of too few or too many "rounds" in the bedroom. Having a high sex drive or being with someone with one can be concerning in a relationship. That is, if the one partner can't keep up with the demands of this high drive.

When in a relationship, naturally, you want to satisfy your partner. No one wants to have needs in a relationship that can't be fulfilled - particularly sexual ones. Much like a person who yearns for emotional intimacy in a relationship, when a person with a high sex drive feels they are not satisfied in bed, their eyes may start to wander. 

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So, should you be worried when all your partner wants is sex?

There is a difference between a person with a high sex drive and a sex addict, an expert shares. 

Clinical counsellor Sharon Rosen says not to worry yet.

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"There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a high sex drive. It's like saying that being blonde is wrong. It's just the way that we are built," she says. 

But problems may start if the partners are not mutually compatible in terms of libido. "A person with a high sex drive gets pleasure from having lots of sex, and it's the sex that motivates the behaviour," she adds.

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The conversation about sex, even in relationships and marriages, is already awkward. Not being happy about your partner's need for speed or lack of it can be daunting. She explains instances where an individual may have a high sex drive due to chemicals in the body or a mental illness. Then, there may be something wrong with the behaviour that may be inappropriate or excessive.

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So, when should you be worried about your partner's constant need for sex?

Sharon says it's critical to know when someone just has a high sex drive (which is normal as people are not the same) and when they are a sex addict who requires professional intervention.

"Addicts are controlled by their condition while someone with a high libido is able to operate with much more control and choice," she explains.

Sharon tells W24 that being a sex addict and having a high sex drive isn't the same.

"A sex addict may feel good while having sex but is filled with shame and remorse afterwards. And is motivated not by sex itself but more by the fantasy of escape from intolerable feelings. It's done as self-soothing or self-medication," she explains.

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Addiction is a condition or disease with various criteria to be defined as genetics, social learning, and coping skills. There is often a genetic predisposition to addiction. And there may also be early social learning and coping issues and particular traumas, Sharon says.

Cryptic messages won't help if you are concerned about your partner's needs. Sex-talk it out and seek professional help. 

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