'I found out that my wife is dating her pastor – how do I save my marriage?'



She quit her job to serve the bishop.

My wife doesn’t have time for our family. She leaves me with our kids and spends all her days at church. She’s so committed that she even quit her job to serve the bishop.

I always suspected that there was more to it than just serving God. I thought that maybe she was dating a fellowshipper. The suspicion was confirmed when I found out that she was not only dating a church member, but a well-known bishop.

I hacked her phone and found messages between the two. I even saw that she was sending this bishop nude pictures of herself yet she doesn’t want me to make love to her. Ever since we had our two children four years ago, she doesn’t want me to see or touch her body.

 I still love my wife, but the problem is that she doesn’t want to save our marriage. I sat her down and told her about my findings, but she has become worse. She spends more time at church. What worries me is that this bishop is married and he also has children. I don’t know what to do. Please help.  – Unhappy husband

Expert advice

Social worker, Nthabiseng Madikgetla, says,

“It is obvious that you are committed to your family. You are also prepared to forgive your wife for the betrayal and put this experience behind you. What you did is what is always recommended for married couples and that is communication.

You have spoken to your wife about your findings and I want to believe you also told her about the other challenges in your marriage. However, for a marriage to work it takes the two individuals working together and I recommend you suggest to your wife that you both see a professional counsellor.

You have a better chance of saving your marriage if you both work together. If she continues to show a lack of interest in saving the marriage, you may initiate therapy alone to help you make important decisions about your next move without forgetting the well-being of your children.” 

Readers advice


Your relationship has expired and it is time that you move on but you must take care of your kids. You don’t have to force her to come back to you. She made her choice, so do yourself a favour and make yours.


There’s nothing you can do about it. I know it’s not easy, especially when you truly love someone. But before you can even start thinking of doing things that you will regret later, divorce her.


Even after you found out that she is cheating, she became worse instead of apologising. That marriage ended a long time ago and there is no way you can fix it. Just take care of your children.


Please seek professional help. Talk to your wife and ask her if she still wants this marriage. You sound like a person who loves his wife, but unfortunately she is crazy in love with someone else.