‘My boyfriend uses me to get drinks at bars – should I leave him’




My boyfriend and I have been together for the past five years. We met at a tavern and we enjoy partying together.

 I’ve just turned 30 and I want to be in a serious relationship. I’ve been trying to distance myself from spots that sell alcohol, but my boyfriend forces me to go there because he makes money out of me.

Whenever we go out partying, he pretends to be my gay friend and sells me to other men at the tavern who are willing to pay to sleep with me.

In exchange for sex, he gets money and free alcohol from these men. We are both unemployed, so we use the money we get to pay rent and buy food. I’m getting old and tired of this lifestyle.

I’m trying to find a job so that we can leave this lifestyle behind, but he discourages me. He says it’s an easy way to make money. I’m starting to feel like my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore.

Expert advice

Social worker, Nthabiseng Madikgetla says, “It seems as if turning 30 has made you take stock of your life.

You looked at the choices you made in the past, which are the results of where you are today. It is clear that you have given yourself time to introspect and think about what you want out of life. You have identified things that you are not happy about and you now know the changes you need to make in your life.

You have also realised what kind of relationship you want and the kind of a man you want. The toughest job is taking action and implementing those changes.

It is only you that can change your life. You need to trust that you are capable of turning your life around. Stop second guessing yourself and do what’s best for you.

I hope you find the courage to make the changes you want to see in your life.”

Move! Readers advice


That’s so painful. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. This is definitely not love because love does not hurt. The guy is definitely a pimp pretending to be your boyfriend. Do something before he ruins your life.

MTHIMKHULU KARABO This man doesn’t love you! He knows that once you get a job, you will start seeing things differently and his scheming ways will come to an end. It’s time for you to put yourself first.

MONGI DINEO You are still with him after five years? You need to teach people how to treat you! The fact that you agreed the first time suggests that you are okay with the idea. Just do the right thing and leave him.

ALFRED NKULLU NCUBE There is a difference between a man and a boy. What he is doing is a clear indication that you are an option to him and not a priority. Love yourself enough to make choices that will benefit you.