HE WISHES HE WAS DEAD
I have been married for about three years and my husband recently lost his job, and his brother died a month before that. He recently told me that he wishes he was in an accident and that he’s thought of taking a whole lot of pills. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to open up to anyone about how he is feeling other than saying that he will try to feel better on his own. He always looks sad and worried. Should I give him space or what can I do to help him?
- WORRIED WIFE
AGRINETH NUPI NKADIMENG
Always be there for him. Love is all he needs. Cook meals he loves the most and do things with him that he likes. Whenever you get some money, take him to places he adores the most. This will remind him how beautiful life is no matter the circumstances.
GALESHEWE ACE LEMME
It’s the pressure that comes with being unemployed as a man. I have been through the same situation. Make sure you are there for him because he might end up committing suicide. Try to convince him to talk to his family about this or to seek professional help.
AUBREY AYOBA MNISI
For you to be in this situation must stress you out as well. Seek counselling for yourself. While you are busy with the sessions, ask him to join you for one. The counsellor might also advise you on a strategy you can use to help him overcome his stress while you are healing.
No, do not give him space. He needs you more than he knows. Losing a job and a brother at almost the same time broke him. Can you suggest to him that he sees a professional? I know men and their egos, but politely talk him into it.
MOVE EXPERT ADVICE
“Firstly, if your partner or someone close to you truly wishes to die and has a plan and intention to follow through, get immediate help,” says Lufuno Raphalalani, a social worker based in Norwood, Johannesburg.
“Currently your spouse is facing a tough time, so are you.You must have com-passion, patience and insight to get you through this. “You should let your husband know you are there for him if he ever needs to talk. Encourage him to go for counselling, and you too. Support and communication in any relationship is fundamental. Keep in mind the mourning process takes time, and remember there’s no right or wrong way to mourn. Give him the time and space he needs, while standing by with love and support. “You also need to be aware that most people who lose their jobs often feel shame. Unemployment can make people want to withdraw, so encourage your husband so he doesn’t become socially isolated. “Continue to do the social activities you normally do.You should sit down together and strategise about the job hunt and how to handle conflict that comes with the stress of being unemployed.”