'I'm 42 but I want to date a 28 year old man - am I wrong?

(PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES/GALLO IMAGES).
(PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES/GALLO IMAGES).

Finding a loving and caring man that’s genuinely into you these days is not easy. And usually when single women hit their 40s, anxiety goes through the roof because almost every man their age is unavailable. The ones remaining are generally riddled with complex issues like fear you dating him, except your own self-limiting beliefs and too much attention to social pressures. It might work or not, but that's also true for dating someone your own age.

We’re not so concerned about him. He seems fine dating a woman 14 years his senior – otherwise he wouldn’t be there. However, we’re more concerned about you and why the age gap seems to be a bother. What if you didn’t know his age? What if you were simply dating a man who seems loving with genuine intentions? Certainly there are some things to keep in mind when dating a man much younger than you.

LESS BAGGAGE

When you enter a new relationship, you’re bringing former lovers along with you in the form of their issues and how they affected you. A younger guy is likely packing less. Men also have preconceived notions about women and relationships based on past experiences. The younger and less experienced he is, the more open he is likely to be in his relationship with you. However, less baggage can also mean a lack of relationship skills. So be selective about your battles and learn to compromise.

MORE ENERGY

Sure, you’ll have calm and mature dinner dates every now and then, but also be ready for a little bit of adventure – something you often need at your age anyway. Younger men generally are as adventurous outside of the bedroom as they are inside it and he’ll bring out a more youthful, vibrant side of you. Don’t fight that, embrace it.

He’s likely to see you as smarter and worldlier, so he’ll want to please you, not just physically but emotionally and intellectually. Add the fact that younger guys have more stamina and you just may have a match made in orgasm heaven. He’ll come up with creative date ideas that bring back romance.

MISMATCHED PRIORITIES

It’s important to set the ground rules and mutually agree from the onset about what both your intentions are. Depending on which stage of life he's in, he’s likely not ready to settle down yet, as much as you probably are or want him to be. Getting married and having children may not be top of his priorities. He may also still want to stay very much connected with his peers. That’s where he gleans a big part of his identity still.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE

Try to limit the “when I was your age” lectures. He’ll go through a lot of first time experiences while dating you. It’s a big deal for him. Let him be. Otherwise you’ll start to sound patronising. Know when you can offer help and when he just wants you to listen.

Dating a guy much younger than you is considered a social taboo. Expect to be looked at strangely and talked about. It comes with the package. However, it’s more important what you think and believe. You don’t have to defend yourself to anyone. Relationships are work and challenging no matter the age difference. It depends on whether both of your maturity levels match.