I lost myself when I lost my mother – this is how I healed

Woman who lost her mother..
Woman who lost her mother..
Vladimir Vladimirov/ Getty images

No words will  ever really  express what  the absence  of my father  caused in my life.  Life was difficult and  incomplete without him.  I think things would  have turned out differently  for me if he stayed.  Thankfully, my mother  was by my side through  thick and thin. She tried to  be strong but I knew that  she was deeply hurt.  Still, she tried to fill the  space that was left by my  dad. 

My mom told me my  father left because he got  a job in the other province.  She trusted him and let  him go.  He promised that he  would contact her and  send money as soon as he  was settled in the new job.  But these were all lies. He  forgot about us the minute  he was out of the gate.  A few years later, he  married another woman  and is still with her. 

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LOSING MY MOTHER

 Shortly after my father  started his new family,  my mother died of a heartattack.  I think her heart failure brought on by my father  moving on with his life.  While I mourned the loss  of my mother, I kept on  believing that life would get  better.  I went to stay with my  grandmother. 

She took good care of me  but it wasn’t easy as I was  still in school and we had to  survive on only her pension  money.  I kept on having faith  that one day I will finish  school and support my  grandmother.  I passed my matric and  I started to apply for jobs  and learnerships. I got a job  but it was short-lived. The  manager wanted to sleep  with me and I refused to do  that so I was let go. 

MY SUGAR DADDY

  I met a married man who  was older than me.  I needed his financial  support so I slept with him  almost every day and he  gave me money.  Granny thought I was  working and she was  cheerful because of it. 

This man promised to  marry me and I believed  him.  One day, while we were  together, his wife caught  us. She poured a pot full of  hot water on my face and  body. I remember screaming  and crying.

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 I ran to the  neighbours for help and one  of them got me to a hospital.  I was there for a few days  and wondered why my gran  didn’t visit. Then I heard  rumours that she was dead  – someone had raped and  killed her.  I felt like committing  suicide. Nothing in my life  was making sense. 

A NEW CHAPTER

 Losing both parents is one  of the worst things  that can happen to  anyone.  There are  things you  need from a  mother and a  father.  I felt that  I didn’t get much of the guidance, care  and love that I should have  received from both of them.  I was the one to tell myself  that all of life’s challenges  are meant to pass.  Today I am 23 years old.  Wherever my father is, I  forgive him. I have to if I  want to move on with my  life.