Q: I AM a beautiful independent woman with one child. My problem is that no matter how hard I try, I can never find a secure stable relationship. So far, the longest relationship I’ve had lasted a year and that was with my son’s father. Even in that relationship, I felt that he only stayed because I fell pregnant after two months of dating. I normally have sex with a new partner within a week of meeting, sometimes on the first day as I enjoy a fun and safe sex life. I also don’t believe in making a man wait as I see no point to it. Of late though, I feel like men use me for sex and then dump me. I can’t even count how many failed relationships I’ve had regardless of my best efforts. Do men approach you just for sex and am I chasing them away by giving it up too soon? - CONCERNED, GUGULETHU
A: I always chuckle every time I hear women say that men are only after one thing. Yes, men are only after one thing. They are after whatever you are offering. If you spend every second weekend at the night club, running after the ballers and high rollers, that is exactly what you will find. And those guys are not making it rain champagne all night for nothing. You will pay for all of that with your body. And once he is done with you, then it is on to the next one. However, if you meet somebody at a wine event, then you have one thing in common; your love for wine. So, I don’t think you should be surprised when he tells you he is going to a wine-club once a month. So, every time you say all men are dogs and that men are only after one thing, consider what kind of men you have been attracting.
HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST DAY
I’d like to talk about how soon people should be having sex after they meet. If you have sex with someone on the first day that you meet, the foundation of your relationship may end up being only about sex. Like the wine show guy, your common ground may end up being sex, there will be nothing else that you actually have in common. The second problem is, you both now have the knowledge that you are dating someone who has the ability to meet anybody and have sex with them on the same day.
Imagine if your partner is able and capable of having sex on the first day that they meet someone. Your partner could go out one day and have sex with somebody they have never, ever met before by the end of the day. So before you have sex on the first day, consider all of the above. At least make the man feel that you do make men wait before you jump in the sack. Just so that he, at least, feels a bit secure in the fact that the day you do have a fight, you won’t go out and have revenge-sex with the first guy you meet.