I was in an on and off relationship with my now husband for 10 years. He is 27 and I am 25. I cheated on him, but we got back together after four years and married a year later.
Things changed after we got married. He constantly reminds me of cheating on him. I regret marrying him because it seems like he hasn’t forgiven me.
What should I do because I don't think he can trust me anymore? - FRUSTRATED WIFE
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
Mandisa Muruge, who is a counsellor at The Family Life Centre’s Lenasia office, says: “One thing about trust is that once it’s broken, the relationship will never be the same again. It seems as if your husband loves you, but he has not healed and forgiven you for what you have done.
“Both of you need to consult a marriage counsellor who will help you deal with your past. You must also look at the reasons that pushed you into the arms of another man. Have you spoken with your husband about those issues?
“Communication is the best tool for every relationship. Remember if you are not communicating with your husband about your frustrations within your marriage, nothing will change. And you will keep on looking elsewhere for what you are not getting from him.
“Marriage is a union that requires commitment from both of you.”
MOVE! READERS ADVISE
It was imperative for you to go for counselling before you got married, especially since you are such a young couple. Counselling would have helped you to get a clear perspective on underlying issues such as the one you are facing.
It’s sad that at such a young age you are facing serious challenges in your marriage. In fact, there will be a lot of issues that you will still go through in life. I suggest you consider leaving this marriage because your husband will always accuse you of cheating.
For a marriage to be strong, there must be trust. This is one of the most important ingredients in a marriage or relationship. Both of you need to sit down and talk about what makes you uncomfortable in your marriage.
SONWABO SOX NDABAMBI
Forgiving and forgetting is very important in a relationship. It’s very difficult for a man to forgive when cheated on. Talk to your husband in a frank and open manner and maybe things can work out better for the two of you.