"I'm dating a man 14 years older than me, is the age gap too big?"

Readers help a woman figure out if it's wise to pursue a relationship with an older man
Readers help a woman figure out if it's wise to pursue a relationship with an older man
Fikzes

I’m used to dating guys who are about my age, at most – two years older than me. The relationships only last two months on average.

I’m turning 27 this year and have met a guy who is 41. He’s mature, respects women and is a man of God.

Should I give him a chance or is he too old for me? I’m worried our age gap will cause issues down the line.

I’m in love with him but I’m confused because it’s the first time I’ve fallen for someone so much older than me. WORRIED

MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE

 “It has become common to date someone a few years younger or older than you and often it’s said that age is but a number,” says Busisiwe Malangwane, a registered counsellor at BI Malangwane Counselling in Midrand.

“One sometimes finds that maturity levels match, even when ages don’t. Age isn’t the only factor affecting how a relationship operates – gender, race and economic background can also play a role in relationship dynamics. “But when the age difference is big, there are important things to consider. When dating an older person, it is important to keep an open mind. Age difference may not seem like an issue, but it is important to understand that things such as expectations, priorities and interests can quickly change as one gets older.

As the younger partner, you might want to explore certain things he might have already explored and may not want to re-explore.

“Dating someone older may also expose the power difference in the relationship. As the older one, he may feel the need to take a bigger role in making decisions. Or you may feel or find it hard to voice your opinions, especially when it comes to concerns about the relationship.

“If you are approached by someone who is a lot older than you, it’s important to ask yourself these questions: Do you see yourself as an equal in the relationship? Do you feel respected by this man, regardless of the age difference? What are his motives dating you?

“It’s also important to understand that we don’t fall in love with age, but rather we fall in love with the person’s character. If he ticks all the boxes and makes you happy, then I’d suggest you go for it.”

MOVE! READERS ADVISE

MAGDA ANN LIEDEMAN

Why are you two-minded? Are you worried about what outsiders will say? It seems like you have a bit of growing up to do and I’m saying this as someone who dated a man 17 years my senior – today he’s my husband.

THABO BOTLHOKWANE

All you want is someone who is going to love you, and God might have blessed you with that man. Don’t listen to what people say – they will talk about you because when they talk about themselves, nobody listens.

SILVIA MABENA

Sister, he might be man of God and show respect for you now but please take enough time to get to know him well. If you really love him, go for it. But be true to yourself because a mature man needs a mature woman.

LEIGH’SEGOW TSHABALALA

Sister, if you love him and feel he’s worth a chance then go for it. Most men in your age group are afraid to commit and you might be wasting your time with them. Maybe this man will treat you like a queen.