I struggle to reach orgasm

Dear Jade,

My boyfriend likes to masturbate with me in the room. Should he not be trying to have sex with me instead? Is this a sign of a problem in our relationship?

Your boyfriend obviously finds masturbating in front of you arousing. Have you thought about communicating with him about what unsettles you about his actions? Don’t judge or attack what is a source of pleasure for him. When he does want to masturbate with you watching, suggest that you use your hand instead of him using his own, or even your mouth.

I have a constant discharge. What is the cause and how do I treat it?

You could be reacting to the latex from the condom, if you are using condoms. It can also be from spermicide. Some sexually transmitted infections will have a discharge with an odour and a burning, itchy feeling. Use a soap-free feminine wash, avoid fragranced products and douching, and use a ­fragrance-free panty liner. It won’t hurt to see a gynaecologist to test for possible ­infections.

Should I be scared that I won’t fully satisfy my man with just anal sex? I am gay and worry that my anus will never prove to be as good as a vagina?

Sex is not the only element that makes up a relationship. Is your man gay or bisexual? ­Either way, you can only do so much. We can’t control how someone else feels. As for the sex, enjoy it and stop stressing about losing your ­partner.

How can I tighten my vaginal muscles?

The best way to tighten your vaginal wall is through Kegel exercises. Next time you go pee, hold your urine midstream. The muscles you use to hold the pee in are the muscles you need to exercise. Do it while you do chores, sitting at your desk at work or anywhere else. Twenty minutes, four times a week, and you will see results within six weeks.

I struggle to reach orgasm no matter how hard my partner tries. What advice can you give?

It is not just you. Only about 30% of women orgasm during penetrative sex. Although the vaginal wall has many nerve endings, only the lower third of the vaginal canal has enough nerve endings to be stimulated by the penis, fingers or toys.

This makes penetrative orgasms almost unlikely. The clitoris has 8?000 nerve endings and can be reached with more ease during intercourse. Stimulation of the clitoris, directly or ­indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman’s potential to orgasm.

You can ask your partner to stroke, touch or press on your clitoris during intercourse. Another option available to you is to stimulate your own clitoris during sex. Try a variety of positions that enable maximum clitoral stimulation. Girl on top and doggy style are two positions you can consider.

Another alternative is using vibrating clitoris ­stimulating toys instead of the hand. This must be used indirectly on the clitoris. There are many options available on the market, including the bullet, body massagers and vibrators.

How best can I give my woman oral sex?

Every woman is different. Ask your partner what they like and ask them for direction. Good luck!

How much masturbation is too much for men?

When you’re out and find yourself wanting to go home to masturbate, the alarm bells should go off that you’re ­masturbating too much.

Do you have a question for Jade? SMS your question to 34283, beginning with the keyword SEX. SMSes cost R1.50. Alternatively, email trending@citypress.co.za

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